I recently got engaged, and I’m facing a situation that’s leaving me confused and unsure about how to handle it. Let me provide some context. I’m part of a close-knit group of friends, all female and in our twenties. We’ve been friends since high school and throughout college, despite attending different schools across the country. We used to have a group chat where we shared updates and coordinated visits with each other.
One of our friends, Maggie, had been living abroad on a tourist visa for a year. During her time abroad, she met her now-husband. When she had to return to our home country after her visa expired, she maintained a long-distance relationship with him. Eventually, he visited our home country and proposed to her. They got married here and then moved to his country, on the other side of the globe.
As Maggie’s wedding approached, she shared pictures of her dress and details about the venue. However, as the day got closer, most of us realized that we weren’t invited to the wedding. Only one friend from our group, Samantha, received an invitation. Maggie never addressed the lack of invites in our group chat or discussed it with any of us individually.
While I don’t believe anyone is entitled to a wedding invitation, it was still surprising and hurtful considering how involved she had been in sharing updates with us. We could only speculate about the reasons behind the omission, such as her not considering us close enough or potential restrictions related to the venue or COVID. We never received a clear explanation.
After her wedding, Maggie moved abroad with her husband and eventually changed her phone number. We created a new group chat without Maggie, as we didn’t want to continue messaging her old number in case it got reassigned to someone else. Over time, we all lost touch with Maggie, except for Samantha. The second group chat has been active for the past two years without her.
Fast forward to now, a few days after I shared news of my engagement in the second group chat, Samantha added Maggie’s foreign number to the chat. Maggie congratulated me, and she saw the messages I had shared proposing dates for a group FaceTime call.
She joined the call, but during the conversation, she didn’t address the fact that she hadn’t invited us to her wedding. She made a veiled comment about feeling left out and not being up-to-date with our lives after being away from the group chat for so long. After we hung up, I realized I was disappointed that she didn’t acknowledge the past and the lack of wedding invitations.
Initially, I hadn’t planned on reaching out to Maggie or inviting her to my wedding. Now, I feel awkward discussing wedding-related topics in the group chat because it seems rude to talk about details like the date, venue, and other activities while not including her. Most of the other girls in the group seem fine with Maggie being back, but I’m personally feeling confused about the situation.
I don’t have the desire to confront Maggie directly about her wedding or the lack of communication, but I also don’t feel comfortable pretending like nothing happened as I plan my own wedding in the upcoming year or so. It’s a delicate balance, and I’m unsure how to navigate it without causing unnecessary tension or discomfort in the group.
Should I text Maggie individually that she is not invited? It feels very strange and against the usual etiquette to tell someone that they are not invited; however, I think being honest about this aspect is warranted given how she handled her own wedding invitation situation with us. I would have preferred her to be transparent with us (just acknowledging that we weren’t invited, even if she couldn’t provide a real reason), but I am not sure the best way to go about this. Ideally, I would let Maggie know (in a kind manner) then create a new group chat without her so that I can talk to the girls who are living in our home country about wedding stuff and coordinate a bachelor trip and such.
