My grandmother can be quite challenging to deal with. She tends to be overly involved in our lives, judgmental, and controlling. Throughout the years, she has shown favoritism towards certain family members while disregarding others. For example, she has disowned two out of her three grandchildren, simply because they didn’t meet her expectations or fulfill her biological criteria.
One of my siblings, who is not her biological grandchild, faced rejection when they got married. My grandmother chose not to attend the wedding, citing insufficient communication as the reason. As a result, my sibling has chosen to distance themselves from her ever since.
My cousin Lea, on the other hand, was always considered the “golden child.” This could be due to her mother allowing my grandmother to exert control over their lives, while my parents resisted such influence. Lea was showered with attention, extravagant gifts, and frequent vacations funded by my grandmother. The rest of us received far less attention, and my grandmother’s preferences were unmistakably clear even to my eight-year-old self.
Whenever I visited my grandmother, it was often an unpleasant experience. She would pry into my personal life, and if I made any mistakes, she would either report them to my parents or punish me herself. This continued into my adulthood, with her disapproval of my decision to get tattoos leading her to withhold the small amounts of money she used to include in birthday cards. She made disparaging remarks about my tattoos, viewing them as trashy and foolish, assuming I had some kind of masochistic inclination.
During Lea’s college years, my grandmother financially supported her by covering her apartment expenses near campus and providing a monthly stipend.
However, when Lea moved in with her long-term boyfriend without informing anyone, my grandmother discovered the situation and reacted explosively. She was furious that she was indirectly funding her boyfriend’s living expenses and disapproved of Lea’s choice to engage in premarital s*x. Threatening legal action and sending numerous hurtful emails, my grandmother berated Lea relentlessly. Fed up with the mistreatment, Lea eventually blocked all contact with our grandmother and refuses to communicate with her, despite our family’s attempts to reconcile them.
Lately, I’ve noticed my grandmother attempting to forge a closer relationship with me. She sends me text messages and invites me out to dinner regularly, which is a significant change from our infrequent interactions throughout my life. When I visit her at the nursing home, she proudly introduces me to her friends as “the smart one of the family,” even though we have several accomplished professionals in our midst. Graduating from university last year with a STEM degree, I received a substantial monetary gift from her.
However, I can’t help but feel hesitant about accepting it, fearing that she might exploit it as emotional leverage in the future, although she hasn’t done so yet. Additionally, my grandmother made derogatory comments about Lea’s income as a teacher when she found out how much I was earning during a paid internship in my final year of college. Now that I have a new job, she is asking for details, but I’m reluctant to share any information. I don’t want her involved in my life, and it feels unsettling to suddenly become the new “golden child” after enduring her mistreatment for so long.
I’m struggling with how to communicate my desire to keep my distance and not spend time with her. Blocking her and cutting off contact has crossed my mind as a possible solution. It’s puzzling to me why my parents still feel obligated to include her in family events when the general consensus is that they, too, find her difficult to be around.
How can I effectively convey my reluctance to spend time with my grandmother? I’m seriously considering blocking her and severing ties, but I’m unsure how to approach the situation with my parents, as they still feel the need to involve her in family gatherings despite the overall discontentment towards her.
