When we got married, we moved into one of my parent’s houses. We were both working and could have rented a place for ourselves but it was my dad who thought renting would be a waste of money. “You’re both going to start life,” He said. “This is Accra. If you don’t take care you’ll use all your earnings on accommodation. Don’t waste money, if he’s comfortable about it, you both can move into the house in Achimota.”
It’s a three-bedroom house that he rented out to a company. Because of us, when their rent expired, he didn’t renew. We waited for three months before we both moved into the building. My husband loved the place so much that he went to thank my dad for his kind gesture. One burden lifted off our heads so we could decide to invest our money into different things. I didn’t disrespect my husband because he lives in my father’s house though people told him often that I was going to disrespect him because of that. We both had jobs we were doing so we split expenses down the middle. When I say down the middle, I mean straight down the middle. 50:50.
When he pays for the water bill, I’ll pay for the electricity bill. When he buys food this week, I’ll buy it next week. We opened a joint account where we both put a percentage of our salary in. The idea was to raise money and start our own building project. Life was good and our marriage was everything we both dreamed about. Our joint account had a lot of money sitting there so my husband suggested we invested it. I spoke of treasury bills and he spoke about Mensgold. That was the time Mensgold was so popular you were considered a fool for not investing there. I was scared and I told him. “That thing is dangerous ooo. It’s always in the news for bad reasons. Why don’t we invest in something safe? After all, we are not going anywhere with the money.”
He gave me the stories of all his friends who were investing there and reaping their monthly benefits. “If we listen to naysayers, we won’t prosper.” He saw himself as the man, the head and the one who had the final say so he invested the money there. The earnings on our investment were reinvested until three months later, the scheme dropped to its knees and collapsed. I was proven right in the end but he blamed everyone as the reason why the scheme collapsed. We were hoping to get our money but that never happened. That was the end of our joint account initiative. I didn’t do it again because I didn’t trust his financial leadership.
I got pregnant and life came to a standstill for me. My pregnancy was like the turbulence at sea, it was rough and scary. I spent more time at the hospital than in my own bed. I thought I was going to die but I didn’t. I delivered safely but later got some complications that didn’t allow me to live a normal life. Even after my maternity leave, I couldn’t go back to work because of complications. In the end, I had to resign so I could concentrate on total healing. I wasn’t working but my husband continued expecting me to cough up my 50% contributions to run the house. Throughout my health challenges, my husband didn’t give me any money as support for my healing. All he provided was emotional support and nothing else. I didn’t complain. I had the support of my parents. I even went to live with them at some point when it got severe. I was there until I healed completely.
I’ve been off work for over nine months but my husband expects me to contribute. When he asks and I tell him I’m not working, he’ll ask me, “You mean you didn’t save while you were working? Who even asked you to resign? You better look for something to do oo, I can’t carry this burden all alone.” While I was struggling with my health, he got enough money to buy a car. He told me it was a loan from work but I know the whole thing wasn’t alone. We are married but all he thinks about is himself and how to live well. It didn’t bother me that much until he started pressuring me to take care of things I didn’t have money to pay for. Our light went off and he was expecting me to recharge. Because I couldn’t, we slept in darkness for two days. He said, “After all who’s going to suffer? I leave in the morning and come in the evening. You stay here all day.”
He didn’t care about our child and the heat he will suffer. He left us on our own. I embarrassingly called my mom for help and she came to my aid. I’m rigorously looking for a job but my husband’s attitude is getting on my nerves; the neglect, disrespect and shame are getting to me. My parents suspect something is wrong, judging from the way I go to them for help often. I’m the one covering up.
This is what I intend to do. I’m not working and he still wants me to provide. I have to raise money to be able to provide. I want to tell him I’m renting out the house we are living in. This is a house I can easily raise €2,000 a month from. I want to ask him to rent his own place so I can put this place up for rent since he expects so much from me. I know he’ll call me names but I don’t care. If we move out and I rent this out, I can decide not to work or even use the money to start a business. My parents will support the initiative if I’m able to convince them.
It looks like he doesn’t see my contribution to this marriage until I provide money. I want to show him I’m already providing enough and deserve every respect from someone I call a husband. Do you think it’s a good idea? I’ve had a series of conversations with him concerning the way he treats me but he doesn’t listen to me. He thinks my staying home is intentional. He even told me I faked my sickness just so I can have a reason to resign. It hurts and the only way out is to rent out this place and get my own money. What do you think?
