After my heart got broken by my ex, I vowed not to fall in love with anyone again. My plan was going well until my friend invited me to the poolside. There were lots of men there so I was quite uncomfortable showing off my body when it was time to swim. My discomfort increased when some of the men started talking to me. I did my best to ignore them but this particular guy approached me when I was in the water. He asked, “Do you need help swimming?” I took one look at him and thought, “This short man shouldn’t get any ideas,” but I accepted his offer. We had a nice conversation and I found his company very enjoyable. At the end of my time at the pool, he asked for my number and I gave it to him.
I didn’t expect him to call me, because I was still mending my broken heart. And the first time he reached out to me was via text. We exchanged regular pleasantries and then he asked me, “Tell me something I don’t know about you.” I don’t remember the answer I gave him but I asked him the same question he asked me. His answer was, “I like you and I think we should get together. Be my queen, and let me be your queen.” I felt we didn’t know each other enough for him to be talking about a relationship, so I didn’t say yes at that moment.
Although I didn’t say yes to his proposal, he called me regularly and texted me frequently. This continued until talking to him became a normal part of my day. Before I realized what was happening, I was falling in love with him. I didn’t plan for it to happen, it just did. So then, our relationship became official. I started visiting him. At first, it was once in a while but as time went on the visits became more frequent. I enjoyed every time I spent with him, and the love I felt for him intensified. I don’t know what he did to me but I have come to love Jacob from the depth of my heart and my soul.
Through my frequent visits, I found out that he has two children with different women. He didn’t tell me this himself. I found out by snooping around his apartment. When I asked him about it he said, “I felt if I told you the truth you wouldn’t love and accept me into your life.” I was hurt that he kept the truth from me but I loved him too much to walk away. So I focused on his good qualities and continued with the relationship.
He does have a lot of good qualities. He is kind-hearted, considerate, supportive, and has all the best attributes I can think of. I have never been close to anyone the way I am close to him. He is my best friend. One thing I love about him is the way flaunts me to all his friends. Our families are also aware of our relationship. Our love is the kind that makes people jealous all the time. When I am not in school, I am with Jacob. His company is addictive so I always feel out of sorts when we are apart. As always, no relationship has only good days. And Jacob and I have our bad days too, but we always push through them. We make sure we solve all our misunderstandings amicably.
Some days he comes off as too overprotective and a little controlling. It used to bother me but I understand now that he is almost ten years older than me, so that’s how it’s going to be. Another thing that we fight about is the amount of time he spends on the phone. When I complain he tells me, “You know the nature of my work. I always have to be talking to clients on the phone.” Sometimes when I call him, his number is busy. Other times I would be with him but he would be on the phone the entire time I am there. This guy played his card so well that I never suspected he was lying to me.
After some time in the relationship, I realized that he has a lot of women in his life. I went through his phone one time and found out that he was dating quite a number of these women. When I confronted him he said, “There is nothing amorous going on between us. They are old friends; I knew them before I met you.” I asked him about another lady and he said, “She is just a friend who is crushing on me, but she knows I have you so nothing is going on here.” I knew I should have listened to my instincts but I ignored everything it tried to tell me. All because I convinced myself that I was worrying over nothing.
When school vacated in August, he asked me to spend a month with him, and I obliged. When I went there I never had peace. Ladies kept calling him, texting him, and all sorts of things. When I expressed my displeasure he answered, “You shouldn’t worry your head over these ladies. You are the one I love, not them. You are the one currently staying in my house, not them. That should tell you how much you mean to me. I wouldn’t have come to meet your family if you were just someone I am planning to dump. I wouldn’t even have let any member of my family get to know you if that was the case. Don’t I give you everything you ask for? When your mother needs money and you tell me, I send her something. When your school fees is due I pay it. So tell me, what more should I do to convince you that you are my main chick?” “All I want you to do is for you to drop your side chicks or whatever those women are to you,” I said. He didn’t say anything after that, but his face spoke volumes of how I was asking him to do the impossible.
The other day at dawn, I went through his phone while he was asleep. There’s this particular girl who has been calling him and he calls her too but whenever I ask about her, he says that she’s a church friend. When I read their chats, there was nothing church friends about it. The chat shows that they meet up, and exchange photos and videos. He caught me whilst I was going through the phone and got angry. He said; “I warned you not to sneak into my phone. If you want to know something, ask me. If you want to see something on my phone do it in my presence.” He went on to yell at me, “You are only hurting yourself by going through the phone. Don’t you want to enjoy our happy relationship in peace? I have told you repeatedly that these girls you are obsessing over don’t matter to me. You are the one I want, but if you keep doubting me you will ruin this beautiful relationship we have.”
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He told me that if he gets tired of my insecurities and leave me, it would be my fault. He called me a nag. I didn’t say anything when he was ranting. I watched him until he calmed down. Right now, we’ve made up. He calls me all the time to check up on me, but I am scared he might leave me for another girl. I don’t know what I will do if that happens. You could say that I am obsessed with him because I am. I know that I am being too needy, and too clingy in the relationship. And that’s because Jacob is the sun in my world, everything revolves around him. Should I just give him space and allow him to do whatever he wants while I focus on the relationship? I am confused.
—Missy
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