I lost my dad at a very young age. My mother had to struggle to take care of my siblings and me. Things were very difficult for us. There were times my mother had to ration our food. We didn’t eat to get satisfied. We ate to survive. Let’s not even get started on school fees. I remember how I used to get sent home from school. Sometimes I wouldn’t even go home because I knew my mum didn’t have the money. Those were dark times for my family.
Through it all, we kept hope alive and kept pushing on. One day God our prayers and sent our uncle our way. He came to visit us out of the blue. After he saw how much we were struggling, he offered to help my mother out. He had five children of his own but he took the responsibility for my schooling. I never got sent home for school fees again. I also did my best to study hard and make him proud. When I got to the university he continued to pay my fees and he told me, “All you have to do is to study hard.” And I did.
After my first degree, I was ready to start searching for a job and start my life. My uncle didn’t agree with that. He said, “Why don’t you continue with your studies and do your masters? It will be easier to study now when your mind is still fresh from getting your first degree.” I told him, “I was hoping to get a job and save towards it.” He told me he would handle the fees. He repeated what he always told me, “All you have to do is study hard.” So I threw myself into my books and studied. When I finished with my school I got a job. My life was going on smoothly and I was great.
In 2019 I met someone special. We were good together and everything felt right. He didn’t waste time telling me he had feelings for me. I also didn’t drag my feet with him. I told him I had feelings for him too and I was interested in taking our friendship further. The moment we started dating we started planning our marriage. We planned to have a simple traditional ceremony and later sign our marriage certificate in court.
Things were going as planned until something unplanned happened. I got pregnant. My boyfriend and I were happy about it. We were both adults with jobs, and we loved each other. We saw the presence of the baby as a glue that would forever bind us together. I told my uncle about the pregnancy and he asked that I bring the guy home. My boyfriend came with his family to meet my family. They performed the knocking rites and took the marriage list. From there we bought everything on the list.
We waited till after I had the baby to start planning the marriage ceremony. When my uncle found out that we wouldn’t have a church wedding he refused to allow us to get married. He said, “The traditional marriage is not considered as marriage. It’s just an engagement. You will not be considered his legal wife. I don’t want that for you.” I told him, “Uncle that’s what I want. We will sign our certificate in court after and it would be legal.” My uncle still refused, “You are rushing to get married because you have a child with him. Be patient, let him prepare well and come and marry you the right way.”
I didn’t agree with my uncle but I also couldn’t get him to change his mind. He was the one who stepped in when my father died. When we thought all hope was lost, he extended a helping hand to us. He picked me up and made me who I am. He is the man who would receive my marriage drinks. When he said no, my hands were tied. I couldn’t have gone to anyone else and asked them to receive the drinks. In the end, I told my boyfriend that we would have to wait till we were ready to have a white wedding. He told me to keep the clothes he bought while we prepare for it.
He had been working tirelessly since then. He told me, “There is nothing I want more than to finally call you my wife. I am doing my best to gather money so we can get married the way your uncle wants us to.” He was taking care of our son and performing all his fatherly roles. I felt assured in his love for me and his promise to marry me until things started changing recently.
He asked me to bring him the marriage clothes so he would have them close to him. I didn’t understand his change of mind but I did not question him. Later, I found out that he sent the clothes to his mother. Before I could address that issue he travelled outside the country. He didn’t say anything about it or discuss it with me. He just left. I don’t know when he intends to return or if he has plans of ever returning to the country again. He doesn’t talk about it.
He calls me every day to talk to me and our son. He still makes promises of marrying me. I would have believed him but I don’t. He left the country so abruptly and he took the marriage clothes from me. Those two last moves he pulled on me die me the impression that all is not well. I feel he’s lying to me. The more I think about it the more I am convinced that I should move on with my life and forget about him.
When I try to move on my heart tells me to wait; “Wait a little bit longer and see how things turn out.” My heart believes that I should trust him and hope that our love will stand the test of time. I am confused right now. I don’t know what to do about this situation. Please I need your advice.
