Clement didn’t waste time telling me I was fat. He called me fat to shame me in many circumstances. When he wanted to sleep with me and I wasn’t in the mood, he’ll say something like, “Fat girl with an attitude.” When he needed money from me and I wasn’t able to give, he’ll say something like, “That’s how all fat people are. They won’t give you their money but will rather use it to grow fat.” One evening he called me to visit him and I went. He wanted shuperu and I was ready for it. We were both in bed getting ready for action when he stopped midway. He was looking at his phone so I thought he had received an important call or message. He later got up from the bed and started dressing up. “Clement, what’s up? Where are you going?” He responded, “I’ve lost my appetite. You’re too fat it makes everything difficult.”
That evening, I stayed flat in his bed and cried like a child. He saw me crying and did nothing or said nothing. I dressed up and told him I was leaving. He said, “The truth has to be said and I’m the only one who will tell you. You were not like that five years ago. What happened? You let yourself go and no one will like you. I’m the only one who will stay something like this but when I tell you the truth you think I’m killing you.” I got home and cried like a baby. My junior sister saw me crying. It wasn’t the first time she had seen me cry so she said, “What did Clement tell you this time? So you won’t leave this boy and save yourself from this series of heartbreaks? You’ll die ooo.”
Regardless of everything he said to me and the hurt he took me through, there was one thing about him I couldn’t question, his faithfulness. Clement will never look at another girl. He’ll rather look at me and see how fat I am than look at another lady. So I trusted him. I came to accept whatever he said about me as the truth. I told myself, “He’s telling me the truth. I’m the problem. If only I could be a little slimmer, our love story would be different.”
I started working on myself. My junior sister was my gym partner. She wasn’t overweight but she dedicated her time to helping me gain the size I was dreaming of. She’ll wake me up at dawn and we’ll go jogging. Even when I was too tired to get up, this girl will be on me until I get up. We did it for about three months. All the improvement I was looking for appeared in my junior sister but not in me. Her figure became more rounded and she even started growing ass while I still remained the same. Instead of her being the reason for my motivation, she became one of the reasons I couldn’t go on. I couldn’t stand to see her gain all the benefits when I was the one who needed them the most. No matter what she said, I couldn’t go back to the gym.
She told me, “Then you have to leave Clement before he kills you with emotional abuse. I responded, “That boy has nowhere to go. Upon all the complaints about my weight, he doesn’t go anywhere. I’m the same old girl he comes to. Nobody wants me but no one wants him too. The two of us are stuck together forever. We have nowhere to go.”
Five years together was long enough for us to talk about marriage. Any time I mentioned marriage, he looked at me and said, “You want a wedding? What gown are you going to wear and where are they going to get the material to sew that gown? Madam, do what’s necessary and stop talking nonsense.” I will stand in the mirror and ask myself, “Am I that bad? I’ve seen bigger ladies get married so what’s wrong with this?” So when the gym didn’t work and I couldn’t do anything else to lose weight, I decided it was not worth it to be with Clement. “He saw my early days and saw how slim I was and fell in love with the slim me. Nothing I do will change his mind about this new me so I’ll leave and find someone new.” I was lying. I couldn’t leave.
On my twenty-eight birthday, I didn’t get anything from Clement. I waited all day for him to even send me a happy birthday message but he never did. He called in the evening but didn’t say anything. Before he hung up the call I asked him, “So you mean you don’t know today is my birthday? Have you forgotten so soon? You didn’t see on Facebook that today is my birthday? What kind of human being are you? I celebrate your birthday as if it’s a holiday but you pretend you’ve forgotten mine?” He responded calmly, “What do you expect me to do? Carry you because it’s your birthday? I don’t have that energy. You’re too huge to be carried. If it’s a happy birthday you want then happy birthday. I’ve said it. Did it reduce your weight? Madam, do what’s necessary.”
The old me would have broken down and cried but I didn’t. I responded, “That’s alright. I’m fat and I like it. Go and look for the kind of woman you want. It’s over between us.” He laughed while I walked away. When we fought, I was the one who made the reconciliation call. My sister was monitoring. She reminded me of why I didn’t have to call clement. She said, “This is. End it. Don’t call him. You’ll always feel so small because of him, don’t.”
I went for a week and I didn’t call him. I knew it was the end. A week later he showed up. He said, “So you’ve grown horns now abi? You hurt me but won’t call to apologize right?” I laughed. I said, “When I said it was over, I meant it. Clement, you’re not good for me and you know it. Look for a slim girl. Marry her tomorrow and it wouldn’t hurt me.” He disappeared again and came back a week later with an apology. I nearly fell for it until my sister drummed sense into me. I stood my ground until the whole thing came to an end.
Right after that breakup, I started losing weight drastically. Within one month, all my dresses needed alteration to fit. The diet was working. The little exercises were also working. I saw the change and it motivated me to go for more. In three months, I became so small. I was even skinnier than when I was 20 years. I got scared. I went to the hospital to check if everything was OK. Maybe I was losing drastic weight due to health issues. I was OK but I was advised to eat and drink more fluid than I was doing. Everyone around me became concerned about my new weight. They thought it was because of heartbreak. One day I came face to face with Clement and he couldn’t look at me twice. He lowered his head and passed. When he met my sister he asked, “What’s wrong with your sister? Is she sick?” .
Out of anger, my junior sister responded, “When was the last time you checked your HIV status? If you haven’t, then please check and get the news. That’s what my sister is suffering from and I believe you gave it to her. You’ll suffer for everything you took her through.” When she came home she told me about it and we laughed. Clement called me in the evening. His voice was shaky. He was scared about something. He said, “Tell me it’s not true. Tell me what your sister said was a lie.” I responded calmly, “You don’t have to take her word for it. Just check and get your answer.” He sighed. He said, “So you mean it’s true? How many people know about this? Have you told anyone who knows me? Do your office people know about it? When did you know?” I answered, “Clement, I can’t answer those questions. I did the test and got my results. The hospital is not closed. Do yours and get your results.”
I cut the call and burst out laughing. When my sister came home I told her, “Have you seen what you’ve brought? Clement, it looks like he believed you.” She laughed out loud and threw herself on the bed. She said, “You better not tell him the truth. Let him suffer the emotional abuse too. He can joke around with your weight but can’t take a joke? It’s on him. Don’t tell him anything.”
He started drinking. He started texting me often asking how it feels like knowing I’m having the virus. My answer was always the same, “If you want to know, just go and do your test and find out. I’m not dead so you won’t also die.” He said, “I don’t need to do any tests. If you have it then I have it too but where do you think we got it from? Were you cheating on me? It doesn’t matter anymore so just tell me the truth.” I was laughing quietly to myself. I said, “So you don’t know how to take responsibility for anything? It’s always my fault, right? It’s ok. Don’t call me again. I’m going through a lot so I can’t carry you along. Do what’s necessary, like you always told me.”
We carried on with this joke for over a month. He was always calling and texting but he won’t go and do the test. I wanted him to find out himself so I tell him I’ve had my revenge and that he should never play with other people’s emotions but no matter how I pushed him to test for it, he came back convinced that he had it. One day he said, “I can’t even eat. I can’t even plan for the future because there’s none. If my friends get to know, I’m dead. They will all abandon me, Eii Ewurade.” That’s when I realized we may kill him even before his time. I told him, “Please we are lying wai, don’t come and die on us. I’m glad you know how it feels when your emotions are toyed with. My sister was joking with you. You can go and check and get the results yourself.”
Even after telling him that, he thought I was joking or it was just a trick to push him to do the test. I told him, “I can’t help you if you won’t help yourself. Stop calling my line and leave my life alone.”
I stopped picking up his calls and stopped responding to his text messages. One day he sent me a message after I didn’t pick up his several calls. He said, “God will punish you and that your fianga sister. What you did to me was illegal. I can sue you two for making me go through that torture. Foolish people.” After reading the text I burst out laughing. Then a voice note followed. He said a lot of things out of hurt but it didn’t affect me in any way. I told him, “That’s exactly how you made me feel when you insulted my weight. Sue and let me sue too. You think you’re beyond the torture you dish out to people?”
We meet each other these days and we laugh without saying a word to each other. He’s doing well and I’m also doing very well. I’m in a better place to try love again and I will. I’ve learned to love myself before I can love anyone. I’m on the love road again. I hope I find someone better.
