I Believe Good Things Don’t Happen To Me Because Of The Way I Look

We never stayed in one place for long when I was growing up. It was because of my dad. His work kept transferring him within short periods of time. And our family wasn’t like those families where everyone was located in one place while my dad went between transfers. Rather, my entire family followed my dad around wherever he went. So I couldn’t form lasting attachments with people outside my family. By the time I made a friend, my family would be packing up to move. Because of this, my only friends were my siblings until I got to JHS 1.


At that time some of my siblings were working, and others too were in school. So I stepped outside my family and made friends with the kids from my school, neighbourhood, and church. I made at least two friends from each of the places. And all the girls I was close to were very beautiful. I was the least beautiful girl among them, and I had to watch people choose the girls over me wherever we went. This gave me a poor self-image.

As I got older, I continued to make friends with girls who were more beautiful than me. I swear it wasn’t on purpose. It just happens that the girls I felt connected with were very beautiful. They turned heads wherever we went, and they got all the good men falling at their feet. I, on the other hand, end up with the men my friends don’t want. In addition, I got treated poorly in relationships while my girls always get treated like queens by their men.

I think I would have felt better if it had to do with just men, but it didn’t. My friends got the best of everything. I am talking about favours from even strangers and big opportunities. This even happens in situations where they are rude. Whereas I, who is always nice and polite get overlooked by everyone.

I noticed this pattern seven years ago. By then I was in SHS, and I had two best friends. While the three of us did everything together, people only acknowledged my friends and blatantly ignored me. I was a teenager then, and my self-worth was tied up in other people’s perceptions of me. So that made me feel like there was something I could do to make myself as likeable as my friends. But no matter what I did, nobody cared enough to take a second look at me.

After SHS I thought my life would be better. I was excited when I gained admission to the university because it gave me an opportunity to start afresh. Then in my first year, I became close friends with one of my roommates. This lady is also very beautiful. And people always chose her over me. I was so silly at that time that I thought, “Maybe she looks the way she does because she is two years older than me. I am sure that me too when I am two years older, I will look pretty and everyone will like me.” But two years down the line, nothing changed.

After her, I got close to one of my coursemates in my third year. And it is still the same story with her. She got all the attention, while I was mostly invisible despite all my efforts to be noticed. At a point, I realized what will be will be. So I stopped trying hard and I stopped feeling sorry for myself. I just accepted the situation, and we’ve been good friends for two years now. I care about her very much, as I have come to understand that it’s not her fault that I work twice as hard for the opportunities that easily fall in her lap.

Although I have stopped trying so hard to be liked, I can’t help but think that there’s something wrong with me. How is it that I walk with people who get favours yet none of the favours extend to me? How come I dine with people who dine with great people, yet I am not invited to sit at the table? As I am writing this, I don’t remember the last time a guy told me, “I like you.” I could be offline for days and no one would notice. It didn’t bother me at first, but now it hurts.

I keep asking myself, “Why is it so easy for people to forget that I exist?” Before I can get someone to do a simple task for me, I have to ask my siblings to connect me to people. I keep wondering if this happens to me because I’m not beautiful. Like I’m probably so ugly that pretty privilege does not apply to me. I am about to complete school and that terrifies me. What if I don’t get a job because I am not pretty enough? What if I attract the wrong people in life? How do I remedy this before I step into the real world? Please I need advice on how to handle myself going forward because I don’t want this to follow me around throughout my life.