He was married when I met him but he hid it from me. I suspected it and asked him about it right from the start but he denied it; “I’m not married. What about me shows that I’m a married man?” I took his fingers in my palm and started inspecting his ring finger. I didn’t see that ring trace. I let his hand go but I told him, “There’s this person you talk to on the phone often. I suspect she’s your wife or you have something serious going on with her. I’ve heard you asked if the kids were good. You were trying so hard not to make me hear it but I heard through your whispers. Just say the truth, I don’t bite.”
He called me inquisitive and asked me not to eavesdrop on him again. I let it go for a while. Apart from that suspicion I had about him, he was doing everything within his means to make me happy. I hadn’t accepted his proposal yet but he was all over the place trying to ensure that I was alright and I lacked nothing. It was raining one late afternoon and he called me. He asked if I’d closed from work and I told him, “It’s not yet 5 pm, some few minutes before 5 pm but the way it’s raining, I guess I would be here until the rains subside.” Minutes later he called again. “Do you have an umbrella?” The rain was heavy this time. I told him, “Even an umbrella won’t help. I just have to wait for a while.” He was right in front of my office. He stepped out with an umbrella, came for me and we went into his car.
While he was driving me home, I was busy looking at his ring finger. I looked inside the car, trying to get evidence that he was married so I don’t make a mistake. When we got to my house, I stepped out and said thank you. He said, “You know that’s not what I want to hear. Tell me something better. Something that would make me smile.” I asked, “Something like what?” He answered, “Something like a yes to my proposal.” I said, “Yes. Yes, if it makes you happy. Yes, I accept your proposal.”
“Are you saying that just to make me go away or you mean it?”
“I mean it. How should I say it before you believe me?”
“OK, prove it.”
“How?”
He got out of his car, walked toward me and we kissed. It lasted for a microsecond but it was enough to prove the point. “Do you believe me now?” He smiled and said thank you. He drove away. I was happy but I wasn’t fulfilled. My intuition kept nagging me. We dated for six months before he came clean to me that he was married. I screamed, “I knew it!” I wasn’t angry. I was too happy to be right than angry. At some point, I came to accept the fact that I was dating a married man who loved me too much to reveal the truth. His wife and kids were abroad. He said he visited them once a year or they would rather visit once a year. As I said, I already knew the truth so I wasn’t hurt the way I should have. But out of guilt, he promised to do everything to pacify me for the lies.
He rented a new place for me when my rent expired. Where he rented for me was like thrice expensive as compared to where I was. He paid for a year and promised to renew it every year. I felt it was a trap to keep the relationship going for a very long time. That’s, as far as I know, he’s responsible for a rent renewal that I can’t pay for myself, I’ll continue to stick with him. I didn’t mind. As I said earlier, he proved he cared for me and went beyond himself to make me comfortable. I wondered why the single men I’d dated never did a quarter of what this man was doing. We dated for two years and later met Isaac. He was madly in love with me and wanted me to say yes to him. I liked him but didn’t want to cheat on him. I kept asking him to give me time to think about it. I wasn’t thinking about anything. I was only living my life with the married man while happy that another guy was waiting in line for me.
Fortunately for me, the man told me he was travelling on study leave for a year. He was going to stay with his wife and kids and pursue some professional certification. “A year later, I will be back. Nothing will change, believe me. I’ll call and chat with you as if I never went away.” All I was worried about was my rent. How was I going to pay rent once he was away? He promised to send money but I didn’t buy the idea. Anything at all could change once he was with his family. So I asked him to pay another year for me and he said it didn’t make sense. “That money can be used for something else that will earn some profits in a year,” He said.
So we agreed to do an investment instead and to ensure that I won’t withdraw the money and spend it on something else, he told me we should do a joint account. I agreed. I was only looking for safety and whatever assured me of my future safety looked good to me. We did the joint investment and he left. Once he was away, our communication suffered. I could see he was trying hard to keep in contact with me but something was always holding him back. The time difference also didn’t help. We started falling apart gradually but we didn’t want to let go so once in a while we will talk and pretend everything was alright. By that time, I’d said yes to Isaac and love between us was blooming.
Isaac was different. He didn’t have what the married man had but he compensated for it in a different way. He was present. He made plans with me. He didn’t go anywhere without me and I made no plans without his input. Young love in the sun, that’s how love between us was like. All the while the married man was trying hard to keep hold of me, I was slowly slipping into the web of Isaac, and it felt good. My rent was about to expire so I called him to tell him about it. He told me, “We shouldn’t touch the investment. The returns are not bad so we should keep it going. A friend owes me money, I’ll ask him to pay to you and that would be enough to pay your rent.”
The friend paid directly into the landlord’s account. I didn’t see the money but it was OK. He came back to Ghana when his program was over. He asked me to meet him at the airport. I could have but I gave him excuses. When he landed, he called me. I told him I’d travelled to see my parents in the village. I missed his calls often. I refused to respond to his messages. I was doing everything for him to get the message. At that time, Isaac and I have started talking about marriage so I didn’t want anything to come between us. One day, I was in the office when he came looking for me. He didn’t tell me he was coming, I would have given him excuses. He just appeared out of nowhere.
We talked. I told him the truth. “I’m seeing someone else. He’s serious about me so I can’t go behind his back.” He told me, “You guys are not married so what stops us?” I told him we were talking about marriage. He said, “So soon? How long have you known this fellow? I hope you’re not rushing into marriage. Marriage is not a child’s play so you don’t have to rush into it.” I told him I was sure about him and he understood me. But he never stopped trying to get me back. I resisted. He set juicy traps for me but I jumped over them. Once I said yes to Isaac, there was no turning back.
We got married last year and I moved in with him. I still have that investment with the married man. We talk about it sometimes. We’ve had it for close to four years so you can imagine how huge the money is growing. I want the money. If I get it, it will solve a lot of problems in my life and the life of my husband. I called him and asked him to release the money to me as a parting gift. He asked me, “If I give you that parting gift, what will you also give me as a parting gift?” I knew his intentions so I dropped the topic. He doesn’t need the money so he doesn’t think about it. He doesn’t even talk about it. I look at my bank account and feel like that investment will really make my account look good but unfortunately, I’m not ready to pay the price to have it.
I want to stop thinking about it but I can’t. It looks like as far as that investment exists, I’m always going to think about it and it’s always going to be the connection line between me and that man. What can I do about it? I even told him I don’t want it but I want my name off the account. He told me if I don’t want it, he also doesn’t want it so we should leave it there to rot. “When we both die, the government will decide what to do with it,” He told me.
Currently, we are talking about over GHC30,000 here. My whole life’s savings is not even up to a quarter of that amount. Is there a way I can claim it without him? A friend told me unless he dies but looking at this man, he’s not dying anytime soon and he’s not doing anything about the money too and I’m the one suffering to watch this amount sit idle in our joint account. What should I do?
