Some things didn’t add up. I was worried but because I didn’t have concrete evidence, I couldn’t confront him. When our love was new, everything was perfect. Jesse was like an open book. I could wake up in the morning and predict what he would do. He would call me. He would say lovely things to me. He would make me the centre of his plans. Before the day ends, he would come up with a plan, a plan about where to go to have fun. I could predict all these and they would happen because love is like that. It’s about knowing each other through and through. It’s about opening up what’s covered and inviting your partner to be a witness to it. That was exactly how our beginning was.
The beginning was so good when things started changing, I noticed it quickly. I would call him very late and someone would already be on the line with him. It wasn’t once or twice. Apart from that, Jesse wouldn’t receive certain calls in my presence. I would hear the phone ringing, he’d silence the call, walk out and receive it. I would be looking at him and he’d look back at me. Sometimes I would frown just to let him know I wasn’t happy. It didn’t change a thing. This is a guy I could use his phone to play games but all of a sudden he became protective of his phone. He would go to the bathroom with it when I was around. Nooo, something was wrong somewhere but Jesse wasn’t the kind you’d suspect easily. He’s very calm, he talks only when it’s necessary. He had few friends and would not even bother to step out with these friends because he likes to keep to himself. The change was glaring but I needed evidence first so I started digging.
I tried my best and still got nothing so I decided to engage him. I decided to ask questions and see where that would lead me to. My intuition told me he was going to lie but it was the only option available to me. “Jesse, I’m beginning to feel you’re hiding something from me. I’ve seen quite a lot to reach this conclusion. Please be honest with me. Is there any woman in your life apart from me?” He said yes. I was like “Yes? What do you mean yes? Do you mean I’m not the only one? Who is she? How come you didn’t come clear all this while? What did I do wrong?” He gathered the calmest demeanour he could muster and said, “I am sorry you had to find out this way but it’s true. I am dating her but it’s nothing serious. It’s more like a friendship than a love affair. She doesn’t even live in Accra so we don’t see each other.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. My Jesse, a man who barely spoke to anyone was hiding another woman in his closet? I shook my head, “It must be a joke. He is going to laugh right now and tell me it’s a prank.” I waited for the punch line, and the laughter but there was nothing. It was what it was. He truly had another woman. I was devastated. But he kept assuring me that it wasn’t a big deal. He said, “I told you that it’s not a serious relationship. Think of her as a friend.” I knew at that moment that I should leave him. It was the logical thing to do. Nonetheless, when has love ever been associated with logic? And the love I have for Jesse defies logic so I accepted his explanation. I decided to think of the lady as a friend, instead of his other girlfriend. And I continued to stay in the relationship, consoling myself in the knowledge that the lady doesn’t live in Accra. I was the one who got all his physical time attention. So I thought that meant I was special. I thought that made me the main chick.
However, as time went on I found out that the other woman was even in the picture before I came along. Which meant I was the side chick. I didn’t want that so I said, “No Jesse, why didn’t you tell me I have been dating another woman’s boyfriend? I can’t do this anymore. I am done. Go your way and let me go mine.” “Are you sure that’s a good idea? You know how much I love you. So why are you concerning yourself with someone who doesn’t even live close to me?” He asked me. I thought my mind was made up but after he spoke like that I became confused. That’s the thing about Jesse. He knew how to pull my strings and play my heart to his tune. I could never think straight where he was concerned. I wasn’t even sure if my feelings for him were something I felt genuinely or if they were something he made me believe I felt. So once again, I couldn’t leave him.
Although I was with him, I was insecure. Once in a while, I would ask him, “Is there something else you are hiding from me?” And this guy would say, “No, you already know everything that you need to know.” As always, I nodded like a puppet to every word he uttered. I was so committed to him that I didn’t have room to pay attention to all the guys who came my way with good intentions. I thought I had already found the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with, so there was no need to keep my options open. It was either Jesse or no one at all. That was my mindset. And it is that way of thinking that made me get careless with my birth control. Before I realized it, I was pregnant. When I found out, I was scared to tell Jesse. I knew he would react in a typical male response to pregnancy. “I am not ready to be a father yet, so get rid of it.” That kind of thing.
I also knew that I wouldn’t get rid of the baby no matter what. It is a rule a set for myself that I am determined not to break. So I wanted to avoid having that conversation with him. However, I couldn’t have kept the pregnancy hidden forever, so I told him about it. When I told him, his response was, “I am not ready to be a father yet, so let’s get rid of it.” Just as I predicted. I wasn’t even surprised. I had prepared my response for him so I told him, “No, I can’t do that. I am keeping it.” He tried to intimidate me into changing my mind but I refused to back down. We had a heated argument and I won.
I won the argument to keep the baby but I started losing Jesse. He started withdrawing from me and acting as if I never meant anything to him. I became concerned. I thought the other lady had something to do with his behaviour I so went through his chats with her. I read her messages and I was sad. She was asking him, “Jesse, we have been together for so many years now. Where is this heading to? When are you coming to see my people to make arrangements for marriage?” Jesse didn’t give her any solid response. He told her that he wasn’t ready for marriage yet. Honestly, my heart broke for her. While she was thinking about marrying him, he felt their relationship wasn’t serious. To the point where he and I dated for three years and I am carrying his baby.
That was the time I realized that he wasn’t serious about me as well. A realization I made too late. I thought I was in a higher position in his life than she was, but no. I had lied to myself. We both didn’t mean anything to him. We were probably just pawns in a game he was playing against his ego. It is no wonder he was always calm and quiet. Only God knows the calculations he makes in his head before he opens his mouth to shower us with his seasoned lies. I took the other lady’s number from his phone, to tell her the truth. But I don’t want to be the one to burst her bubble and tell her Jesse is a lying, cheating, and manipulative man. So I haven’t contacted her yet.
I have seen a few things that make me believe that there are more innocent women hiding in his closet, completely unaware of the kind of man they’re dealing with. I hate that he is using his quiet personality to win women’s trust, knowing very well that he has no honourable intentions toward us. The saddest part is that he is not remorseful about any of his actions. He believes that he is not doing anything wrong. Now he is telling me that we should break up. I know he is doing it to spite me for insisting on keeping the pregnancy. His family has accepted responsibility for the pregnancy so I’m trying not to pay attention to his tantrums.
What I need now is your advice. I’m trying to unlove him, but it’s not working. I don’t understand why I still love him after everything he has done. He is like an infestation in my heart. I know he is bad for me but I can’t cure myself of the love I have for him. It’s making me lose my mind. Especially, when I remember that I will have his baby as a constant reminder of the kind of person he is. If there was another choice in this situation apart from terminating the pregnancy, I would have chosen it. Please help me figure out what to do.
