I Want To Leave Him Because He Is Comfortable Earning A Salary Of 27K

During my national service days, I met a nice seemingly hardworking guy who was also doing his national service. The chemistry between us was sizzling. It didn’t take long for us to confront our feelings for each other and start a relationship. Our love was so out there and beautiful that some of our colleagues envied us. I was constantly caught with a content smile on my face because of the joy Silas brought into my life.

At the beginning of our relationship, I told him, “I want this to work. I also believe that we cannot make it work on our own. We need God’s help to succeed in life as a couple. So I suggest that we fast and pray for each other on our birthdays.” He agreed with me and we started doing it. No matter where we were, we fasted and prayed for each other twice a week. We also took our walk with God seriously and kept our relationship clean.

Soon after we completed our service, he got a job while I was unemployed. He didn’t earn much but it was more than the national service allowance we used to earn so we were grateful. I often advised him, “I know your salary is not a lot of money, but manage your expenses and try and save.” But he didn’t take my advice. He also stopped participating in our fasting and prayer sessions. And then he stopped going to church altogether. I tried my best to get him back on track but this guy wouldn’t budge. So I left him alone.

A few months later I also got a job. It was far from where I lived but it was better than nothing. So I took it and endured the tediousness. The salary too wasn’t much but then again, low cash flow is better than no cash flow so I didn’t complain. Since Silas and I stopped praying together as a couple, the nature of our relationship changed. We started doing things and exploring aspects of our relationship that we had initially reserved for marriage.


Once Silas got a taste of shuperu he couldn’t have enough. We were not financially sound but he would travel from Volta Region where he worked, to where I lived in Ashanti Region, just to come and do the thing and go back. Sometimes I would ask him, “Do you have any savings? Because I don’t understand why you think it’s financially wise to spend this much money on transportation just to come and fornicate with your girlfriend.” And of course, his default response was always anger. He would throw tantrums and I’d apologize for speaking the truth.

It’s been three years now since we started dating, and I am doing well for myself financially, but Silas is not. He earns GHS 700 a month because of his qualification. And I honestly don’t have a problem with his salary. My problem has to do with how content he is with his situation. I have told him many times, “Silas, you need to acquire a skill that can help you to make money. You can look into graphic designing.” He told me, “No, I am not interested in that?” “What about photography? I will help you buy a camera and whatever tool you need to start.” I suggested another time. He shut me down again with his usual response, “No, I am not interested in that.”

Along the line, I suggested a few more things; barbering, driving, and going back to school to get a degree. Silas said no to all of them even though I offered to help him pay his school fees should he decide to do a top-up program. Instead, he prefers to squander his meagre salary before the month ends, and then ask me to send him money to sustain him till the next paycheck arrives. Whenever I ask him to tell me the kind of business he would like to do so that I would support him, he tells me; “The business idea I have needs a big capital. You can’t support me.” I try to tell him that we can start small, but he doesn’t want to listen.

When he closes from work at 5:00 PM, he finds something to eat when he gets home and then goes to sleep. If I dare call him while he is asleep, he would throw tantrums. Sometimes when he goes for night shifts, he gets three days off. Silas would spend all his days off sleeping. When I complain he would tell me, “My dear, even the yoghurt seller has a girlfriend. Stop stressing yourself about me. In God’s time, everything will be fine.” Because of this attitude, I don’t like it when we have shuperu. It doesn’t feel right to indulge in fleshly pleasures when there are so many uncertainties about our future together. I have spoken to him about my concerns but he brushes them off and tells me, “Why are you worried about the future? Let’s enjoy the time we have now.”

I have been able to save enough money to buy a piece of land. On the day I was going to meet the seller for the documents, I asked Silas to accompany me and serve as a witness. I don’t know whether he was jealous or felt emasculated, but he refused to go with me. And he has never asked me any question about the land. I also haven’t said anything to him.

I am trying my best to build this man up but he is not ready to improve his life. His defence is, “You treat me as if I am a lazy person but I’m not. I used to work as a trotro mate (bus conductor) to pay my school fees. And now I am working at a job that pays me enough to get by, so I am okay with it. The only thing I want to do now is travel abroad.” Meanwhile, travelling abroad is expensive. So I have come to understand that he doesn’t have any vision for his life.

We are both twenty-eight years old. Soon, there will be pressure from our families for us to get married and start a family. And that’s something that requires both of us to work hard to achieve. But here lies the case, my boyfriend thinks money or opportunities are going to fall from the sky while he is sleeping his youth away. Because I want him to sit up I have been complaining a lot, and he is pushing back. He told me the other day, “No woman can boss me around, not even you. You make me feel like when we get married you won’t respect me.”

At this point, I have run out of patience. I want to leave the relationship. Will I be harsh if I do that? Please, help a sister.