My boyfriend and I ) appear to be reaching the end of our relationship. Currently, I’m pregnant with our first child and his second. Last Friday, I had to go to the hospital due to severe back pain and a fever. He was at work while I stayed home as I had been sick for a few days. It’s worth noting that we had been distant recently. I’ve been sick, and he hasn’t been supportive.
On that day, he was also upset with me because I didn’t fully delete my Instagram account; only the app was removed. He had told me to delete it months ago. When I informed him I needed to go to the hospital and that it was becoming an emergency, his response was to “call 911” and that he was going bowling. I decided to drive myself to the hospital, despite the pain, as it’s fortunately only about a 5-minute drive away. At the hospital, he was surprised that I had gone. I asked him to leave me alone as I didn’t want to deal with him at that moment. Going to the hospital while pregnant is already frightening enough. Eventually, I was admitted, and while the baby is fine, I was diagnosed with a serious kidney infection.
During the first couple of hours, he texted me, saying that we’re finished and he’ll be with someone else, among other things. I was too exhausted and emotionally drained to read more, so I blocked his messages. Later, around 3 AM, my friends informed me that they had found my boyfriend at a food place with a few girls after leaving a college bar.
These girls, who are all my age, have been an issue in the past, and I’ve expressed my discomfort with his interactions with them on multiple occasions. My friends confronted him, not knowing the full details about our situation but aware that I was at the hospital and he wasn’t there. I found out about this later; I told my friends that I didn’t want to hear about it due to my heightened anxiety.
Time passed, and by morning, he called me from a different number, expressing anger that I had allowed my friends to confront him, and he made various threats. He didn’t ask about how I was doing. I told him to leave me alone, but he continued calling, this time expressing love and longing to be there for me. I ignored his calls and tried to rest. Later that day, as I spoke with doctors and received updates, I unblocked him briefly to inform him about my condition and the baby’s status. He immediately shifted from blaming me to professing his love and regret. I blocked him again.
Jumping ahead to today, he brought me breakfast during my hospital stay. This was the first time I had seen him since the morning before I was admitted. He stayed for only about 10 minutes, during which he talked about how our relationship was doomed and hoped I would find someone else soon so that he could be left alone. I asked him to leave, and after he departed, he continued texting me that he loves me and is sorry. I told him I can’t continue with this cycle. Once again, he resorted to blaming me and expressing anger for the events of the first night at the hospital. I want to emphasize that I did not send my friends to confront him; I was unaware of their actions.
After hours passed, he told me he hates me and wants to end our relationship. I blocked him. Upon being discharged from the hospital and reaching my car to go home, he called from a different number, and I answered. I told him to leave me alone, that I was leaving the hospital, and I had nothing to say to him. He pleaded with me not to leave him. Fast-forwarding to tonight, our communication has been limited. However, during our interactions, he has consistently placed blame on me for the events of the first night in the hospital. He is now saying that he’s angry because I said I would never leave him. I explained that I am leaving him for a reason, as I don’t want this future for myself or our baby.
Upon typing out this entire situation, it’s clear that our relationship has become toxic. However, the realization doesn’t diminish the pain I feel. I’m unsure of what to do, even though I can see that staying in this relationship is not healthy. My mom believes he doesn’t love me, and I’m beginning to understand that perspective.
I’d like to add that I’m not financially dependent on him in any way. I work full-time and recently moved us into a new house (fortunately, only my name is on the lease).
I’ve handled all expenses by myself, including bills for our previous residence where he stayed with me. He makes remarks about me needing to fulfill traditional gender roles at home, such as cleaning, cooking, and doing his laundry. However, he takes offense when I challenge his notion of being the “man of the house.” While I’m not materialistic, I’ve proven to myself that I can manage without him. What truly saddens me is the thought of my baby growing up without both parents together.
