He was two years old when my husband brought him to come to live with us. I knew him even before I agreed to date my husband. He was living with my husband’s sister. He had been living with her since his mother died. From what my husband told me, he had that child from a relationship he had with another woman. They dated for a couple of months and the lady got pregnant. The lady’s family didn’t accept their relationship because of how it started. They accused him of forcefully having his way with the lady because that’s what the lady told her parents when the pregnancy occurred.
The lady’s father told him, “You’re lucky we didn’t get to hear of it until the pregnancy happened. You would have been behind bars by now.” The mother of the lady didn’t want to even see his face so the agreement was that immediately the child was born, they would send the child to him to take care of him solely as if the child didn’t have a mother. Unfortunately for everyone involved, the lady went to deliver and didn’t come back. It’s only the child who survived. It was right there at the hospital that the parents of the lady threw the child on my husband. They even accused him of killing their daughter so he wasn’t allowed to attend the funeral of the mother of his child.
He told me this story even before he proposed to me. I felt sad for him and immediately wished I could be a mother to the boy. As our relationship progressed, I went to visit his sister and saw the boy. He was tiny and was still learning to walk. I would pick him up, play with him and tell him I would be there for him. I didn’t lie, I was ready to be there for him because his father had been there for me and I was ready to reciprocate his kindness. We dated for a year and a half and got married. There was nothing like a honeymoon so right after the wedding we went home. After we had settled, my husband and I went to his sister and took the child away to come and live with us, .
I’m a teacher and my husband, a contract worker. He travelled a lot to work on contracts. He could spend a week or two out there working. The highest was a month. He took care of us and provided for our needs. I supported him with what I had. We had a joint account where we saved money and used the money on projects. We bought land and started building. My husband bought a car on a loan that we both agreed to service the loan. I didn’t like the car. I thought it was too soon for us to buy a car. I wished we could complete the building before buying a car but my husband being who he was never agreed. He did things his way so we got the car.
The car was helping his business and I later came to understand that because of the car he got a lot of contracts and was respected because he was seen as capable.
Four years after marriage, we didn’t have a child. My husband didn’t care so much about it but I cared. I felt inadequate. I didn’t feel complete as a wife. My parents came in to help. I visited a lot of facilities looking for a child. When that didn’t work, I started seeing men of God. One told me, “The soul of the child’s mother is taking revenge on your marriage. She’s using her child as a link to get to you so as long as the child remains with you, you can’t have a child.”
I trusted him but I couldn’t do what he asked me to do, to send the child away. I was reluctant to even tell my husband about it. I knew he wouldn’t believe me and I felt he might think it was a ploy to send the child away. He was six years then and called me a mother. The best thing was to send my husband to the man of God so the man of God could tell him. I did just that but the story got interesting when the man of God saw my husband.
He told him; “The ghost of your son’s mother is angry. If you don’t listen to me and do what I ask you to do, you may not live long. She feels you caused her death so you can marry another woman and enjoy life. Currently, she’s the reason your wife can’t give birth. Soon, she’ll be the reason for your death unless you send the child away and follow the directions I give you to break the yolk.”
When we left his presence, my husband murmured, “All these people call themselves men of God. Why is he trying to break a beautiful family when God has said nobody should put asunder what he had put together.” He called him a false prophet and even warned me not to see him again. I stopped seeing the man of God. I even blocked his number because he tried calling me one late night. A year later, my husband died.
He had a contract outside town and went to do it. On his way coming, something might have happened to his car. He lost balance or something and the car left the road and fell into a ditch. According to eyewitnesses, it somersaulted a lot of times before it landed. The car wasn’t badly affected but my husband died. He died on Saturday and on Monday, his family came around asking about properties. They knew about the land and the building so they asked about the papers. They asked what other things we’d also acquired. I was shocked. A day later and they were thinking about properties? I told them I didn’t know where the papers were. They said they would search with me when the right time comes.
I remembered what the man of God said but there was no use crying over spilt milk. My husband was no more and the child would return to where he came from. I’ll be alone. I’ll start life afresh and take it a day at a time until I completely finish mourning my husband. After the funeral, I went with my family to meet my husband’s family to give the child back to them. My husband’s father screamed, “You’re taking the properties of a dead man but returning his son? Isn’t his son also part of the properties? If you can keep his land and buildings then you might as well keep his child. After all, the child calls you mother.”
It turned into an argument. Their final words were, “We’ll take the child back with the properties. If not, then you should keep him. His father left properties and we can use the properties to take care of his child. How are we going to cater for him when there’s nothing here?” My parents asked me to leave the child there and we go. I couldn’t. He had even started crying. I broke down so I held his hand and took him along, thinking someday the family will see a reason to take him back. It’s been a year. I’ve gone through the widowhood rites and had taken off my mourning cloth. Traditionally, I can move on with my life but these people don’t want to take the child back.
My husband had money in his account. I went with his elder sister to retrieve the money. I told them they could use the money to repair the car and keep it since it wasn’t badly affected. They could use the car as a taxi and use the proceeds to cater for the child. They agreed somehow but once they got the money, they told me it wasn’t enough since most of it will go into the car repairs.
The child lives with me. I don’t want to throw him into confusion that he had no role in creating it. I want him to go to his family but I want it done amicably. My family has stopped fighting it out with me because they believe I should go there one day and leave the child there and run away. I can’t do that to a child who calls me mom. My heart can’t stand it but no matter how we look at it, this child isn’t mine. I need my life back. I need my future to sparkle in another love story. I’m not yet over the line. If I give love another chance, the story might be different. I want children. I want a family but the way I see it, I can’t do it with this child hanging around my neck. What options are available to me?
