I met Abena nine years ago through a lady friend from our village. I liked her the moment I saw her. And I could tell she liked me too. After a short period of getting to know each other, I expressed my interest in her. She didn’t play hard to get. That only made me like her the more. Our relationship was not perfect but we strived to make it work. We communicated openly and paid attention to each other’s needs.
Two years along the line she got pregnant. It was unplanned. We talked about it and decided that she would keep the baby. Our finances were not good. I was working as an artisan while pursuing distance education. Abena was a casual worker in one Chinese company. We didn’t know how we were going to provide for the baby but we were determined to try. We saved as much money as possible and bought the items the baby would need. We both didn’t know anything about how to care for a newborn. Our families were not with us in Accra either. So Abena had to go and live with her aunt when she was due. That way she would get help from her aunt.
I sent her money regularly and we kept our lines of communication open. Two months after the baby arrived she told me, “I am no longer comfortable living with my aunt. Can’t I go and stay with your mother?” I replied “Abena, my mother is a difficult person to live with. I don’t want her to stress you. Just try and make things work with your aunt.” Her only response was, “I’m suffering over here. Every day I am reminded that I am an orphan. I’m always sad and it’s affecting the baby.”
So I arranged for her to move to my mother’s place. In the beginning, things were good between them. I even thought they would make it work. But as they say, old habits die hard but my mom’s habits were so old that they were immortal.
They fought all the time and I was always stuck in the middle. Abena often threatened to abandon our baby who was one year old then. My only option was to ask her to join me in Accra with the baby. A few months later, she weaned the baby and my mum took her off our hands. Abena resumed work at her Chinese company. After a few months, she got pregnant again. She told me she wanted to get rid of it. I disagreed with her. She said, “You don’t know how I suffered last time so you are saying I should keep it. I am not ready for another child and I don’t think you are also ready for another child.” I told her, “It doesn’t matter that we are not ready. Getting rid of it is wrong and I will not support it.”
We argued over this severally but she wasn’t ready to understand me. She asked me to give her money to buy the pills but I refused. One day, in a fit of rage she cursed me. She was frustrated that I wasn’t giving her the money for the pills. She said, “You will suffer and beg for money if you watch me go through this.” I got scared and bought the drugs for her. After she finished committing the act, she was back to her senses. She apologized for the way she acted and I forgave her.
After my national service, I started looking for a job. I tried all the places that needed my services but all I heard was “No.” I tried harder but I couldn’t get anything to do. To make matters worse, I was no longer getting contracts as an artisan. We suffered before we could eat. Sometimes, I had to borrow money to keep our home running. Whatever she earned at the end of the month was nothing to write home about.
After a long struggle, I was enlisted into NABCO in 2019. I was posted to teach at a school in my village. I didn’t have any other options so I took the position. I managed to get a job as a teacher and took artisan jobs on the side. Abena had to join me in the village so I rented a chamber and hall apartment for us to move in. On three occasions I gave her money to start a business. None of it yielded fruits.
She later said she wants to acquire hairdressing skills. I enrolled her on an apprenticeship but she got pregnant and couldn’t finish the course. I worked hard. I tried my best but we lived in poverty. At a point, I got an opportunity to travel outside the country to work. I didn’t have enough money to process my documents so I borrowed from friends. The goal was to get there, work, and pay off the loans.
Everything worked out in the end so I travelled out of the country. Just when I was about to settle in the country, I was caught and later got deported. The reason for my deportation didn’t even make sense but I lacked the means to fight it. I’m back home and as I speak now, there’s another pregnancy on the way. Things have moved from bad to worse for us. I am not even able to afford our rent. A friend of mine suggested I talk to his pastor, in case what we are going through is spiritual.
Last two weeks I met the pastor for a one-on-one prayer and counselling session. During the prayers, he said, “God has just revealed to me that you’ve been cursed. Your partner pronounced a curse on your life that you will beg and suffer to get money. This curse is what is affecting you.”
I was shocked. I had even forgotten about that curse. Even though it scared me back then, I didn’t think it would actually work. The pastor advised that I ask her for forgiveness. He gave me directions on some items to buy to compensate her. I have done everything and I’m here hoping the curse is broken.
We have bought about 80 per cent of the items on her marriage list. We plan to merge our marriage rites with the baby’s naming ceremony in order to save costs. My problem is, whenever I remember that she cursed me and it actually worked, I get angry. To think that all my suffering is because of her is something I cannot forgive.
If she could do that over a disagreement, then how can I marry her? What if next time she pronounces a life-threatening curse? Marriage comes with its problems and I don’t want to marry a woman who has cursed me already. Am I being unreasonable in my reservations? Please advise me.
I’m also using this opportunity to appeal to anyone here who can help me get a job. I have an HND in marketing but I can work in any field.