Ariana Madix is speaking out for the first time since her ex Tom Sandoval and their Vanderpump Rules costar Raquel Leviss both apologized for a months-long affair that ended Sandoval and Madix’s nine-year relationship.
Madix, 37, shared her candid thoughts via Instagram late Wednesday night, writing, “hi. where to begin? i want to express my most sincere gratitude for the outpouring of love and support i have received from friends, family, and people i’ve never even met in the last two weeks.”
She continued, “when i have felt like i couldn’t even stand, you all have given me the strength to continue and seen me through my darkest hours. to say i have been devastated and broken is an understatement.”
“however,” she added, “i know that i am not in this alone. so many of my closest friends are also grieving this loss right now and reeling from this betrayal on so many levels. i am so f—ing lucky to have the best support system in the world and i hope i can repay every single person for the love you have shown me.”
She concluded, “what doesn’t kill me better run. love, ariana”
Madix discovered Sandoval, 40, had been cheating on her with Leviss, 28, on March 1 when she saw “inappropriate” messages between the two on his phone while he was performing with his band Tom Sandoval & the Most Extras in Los Angeles.
“She was completely blindsided by this; devastated doesn’t even scratch the surface of how she feels,” a source told PEOPLE days after the discovery. “This is someone she thought she knew; someone she planned to spend the rest of her life with. You can’t even put into words that betrayal.”
Sandoval copped to the allegations on March 7, posting an apology post to Madix on his Instagram page. (It was the Schwartz & Sandy’s co-owner’s second apology in four days — the first mea culpa did not make any mention of Madix.)
“I want to first and foremost apologize to everyone I’ve hurt through this process,” he began later on Tuesday. “Most of all, I want to apologize to Ariana. I made mistakes, I was selfish, and made reckless decisions that hurt somebody I love. No one deserves to feel that pain so traumatically and publicly.”
He continued, “I can only imagine how devastating this has been for Ariana and everyone around us. I feel really horrible about that. My biggest regret is that I dishonored Ariana. I never meant to disappoint so many people, including our loving families and friends.”
Sandoval went on to reflect on his long relationship with Madix. “My love for Ariana was stronger than any camera could ever have captured,” he said. “Some of our best times together were never filmed. The same goes for some of our biggest struggles. I wish things happened in a different order and our relationship was not severely tarnished, and that it ended with the same respect for her that it began with. I owed Ariana better.”
“I am beyond sad that it ended the way it did,” his statement concluded. “The choices I made hurt so many people. I acted in a way that clashes with who and how I want to be. I will continue to reflect and work on myself. I have work to do. I always have, and I always will.”
“I want to apologize for my actions and my choices foremost to Ariana, and to my friends and the fans so invested in our relationships,” she began
“There is no excuse, I am not a victim and I must own my actions and I deeply regret hurting Ariana,” she added in the statement, which was first shared with Entertainment Tonight. “I am reflecting on my choices, speaking to a counselor and I am learning things about myself such as my patterns of codependency and addiction to being and feeling loved. I have sought emotional validation through intimate connections that are not healthy without regard for my own well-being, sometimes negatively affecting others and often prioritizing the intimate connection over my friendships.
Leviss shared an additional statement exclusively with towngist later on March 8.
“Besides the indefensible circumstances surrounding our relationship, my feelings for Tom have always been sincere and born out of a loving friendship,” she told PEOPLE exclusively. “Knowing how many people we hurt, I need to understand my choices and learn to make better ones.”
“I need to take care of my health, work on self growth and take time to be ok with being alone,” she continues. “I care for Tom and I don’t want to label anything or predict what lies ahead. Right now I need to heal.”
A rep for Sandoval confirmed to PEOPLE on March 6 that he and Madix were “still living together” in their Valley Village home despite the breakup. “They own the house together, and what happens next with the property will take time to sort out,” said the rep. “This isn’t something that’s going to be decided in a weekend.”
Meanwhile, a source told PEOPLE that “everyone [was] rallying” around Madix in the wake of the revelations about Sandoval and Leviss.
“Ariana has not been alone at all since this happened,” the insider said. “She’s had a ton of support around her. All of the girls in their friend group are taking turns visiting her around the clock at her house.”
