I woke up that fateful morning buzzing with excitement. It was my birthday and I had a perfect day planned. Unlike all my other birthdays, this one made me very happy. I chose to spend the day by myself. First, I would get a professional makeup artist to work on my face, and then I would head to the beach for a photoshoot. After which I would go to a nice restaurant and eat something exotic and expensive.
So I got out of bed tingling with expectation for my very pregnant day. After receiving a few phone calls from family and friends, I headed out to the salon for my makeup. When the artist was done, I checked myself in the mirror and commented, “This gives me a classy look. Thank you.” From there I met with the photographer I had booked and we made our way to the beach. While the photoshoot was going on, I observed a certain man looking closely at us. After a while, he moved closer to us and inserted himself into our session. He complimented me and shared his thoughts on my poses; “You look fierce.” “This one looks innocent and sweet.” “Whoa, this one is so sexy.” One would think that I would be put off by his attitude but I was not. Rather, I enjoyed the attention he gave me.
After the photoshoot, he introduced himself and we started talking. He said, “I am happy I came to the beach today. How else would I have met you? Come to think of it, everything that has happened in my life this past week has led me right to this moment.” The last statement made me smile “Oh really? Tell me about it.” “Well, I just arrived in the country three days ago. I live in Germany.” He said.
He went on to tell me about his experience living abroad and how Ghana is far behind in the area of infrastructure and good systems. That day we didn’t speak for long but we exchanged contacts before we parted ways. By the time my day ended, all I could think about was him. Our brief encounter had left me wanting more of his company. When I planned my perfect birthday, I didn’t envision meeting a German “borga”. So it felt like an added blessing from the universe.
He called me the next day and asked that we meet again to talk. The prospect of seeing him again excited me so I said yes. We went out to a cosy restaurant and had a nice time. He asked me to be his girlfriend that very day. Even though we had just met, I liked him enough to say yes to his proposal. The man was attentive and so gentle with me. He held my hands as if it was made of glass. He spoke to me as though I was a little bird he did not want to scare. He was also generous with gifts and money. These little gestures warmed my heart to him. In less than a week, I was certain that I was in love with him. Everything felt like a dream. The kind I didn’t want to wake up from.
One week into our relationship he introduced me to his family and friends as his girlfriend. “This man is really serious about me. See how fast he is moving. God, thank you for bringing him my way,” I thought to myself. After meeting his people, I also introduced him to my family. Our relationship was on a good course. A month after we met, he went back to Germany. I told myself, “If he stops talking to me when he gets to his destination, then it means he was just playing with me. But if our relationship continues despite the distance, then he is for real.” To my utter surprise, he kept calling me every day. I concluded then, that he was real. I went all out to make things work and he also met my efforts halfway. It was beautiful.
After three months in Germany, he returned to Ghana. Unfortunately, COVID-19 happened and the borders were closed. So he had to stay longer than he intended to. Somehow this misfortune worked in our favour. We got to spend more time together. I spent most of my nights with him. One day we were going to bed when he asked, “Have you thought about the future?” “What specifically about the future?” I asked. He hesitated, “I mean, us. Have you thought about us getting married and having kids? Because I have and it’s something I’m looking forward to.” Again, I was pleasantly surprised by how fast he was moving. I started imagining our wedding day and I kept smiling.
A few days after that conversation he suggested, “Why don’t we start trying for a baby? You know sometimes these things take time.” I said, “No. I don’t think it’s a good idea. First comes love, then marriage, before kids. That’s the order I want my life to flow in.” My German “borga” is not the kind of man to give up on something he wants. So another time he brought it up again, “Why do we have to wait to get married before we have kids? You know I’m going to marry you so what are you afraid of?” I stood my ground and refused his suggestion. Oh, but he wouldn’t give up either. So we kept having the same conversation until I eventually gave in to him. I stopped taking precautions. I was ready to be a mother to his child.
A few weeks later, I got pregnant.
I had given him what he wanted so I was expecting him to be happy and sweet towards me. That didn’t happen. Hell broke loose. He became hostile overnight. He started giving me all the red lights to stop approaching him. To date, I don’t understand how he went from a man who was madly in love with me to a man who couldn’t stand the sight of me. Right from the moment I announced that I was pregnant, he started insulting me.
I no longer felt safe around him so I stopped going to see him. This man would call me on the phone and insult me for something he might have dreamt about it while he was asleep. His behaviour continued for eight months. He didn’t care about the progress of the baby or my health or the expenses involved in my antenatal care. Thank God I wasn’t unemployed. I managed to take care of the pregnancy single-handedly. Unfortunately, the baby was pronounced dead on arrival. Stillbirth. He got angry at me; “You killed the baby, didn’t you? You did it to get at me, right? How can you do such a thing?”.
It was the darkest time of my life. I had carried and nurtured this baby in my womb only to lose her at birth. The grief was unbearable. Soul-crushing actually. Then I had to deal with the father of my child accusing me of intentionally killing the baby. I don’t know how I survived everything to this point. When everything happened, his cousin reached out to me. He said, “I heard about the baby, I’m sorry. Contrary to what my brother is saying, I want you to know that it’s not your fault. Sometimes these things happen and only God understands why.”
He went on to tell me that my German “borga” already had kids with other women. He told me that he usually insults the women when they ask him to pay child support.
It broke my heart to lose my baby but I was relieved that I dodged a bullet with him. After him, I have decided never to get involved with any “borga” again. A man I can’t access easily? Distance relationship? Never! There is a guy in my neighbourhood who has proposed to me. He doesn’t have it all but he’s humble and looks at me with respectful eyes. I will give him a chance and see where it goes. The most important thing is, that he lives nearby. I can get closer to him and know him for who he is before I commit my ways to him fully. That’s better than chasing the love that lives beyond the seas.