I’m a twenty-four-year-old lady who is currently unemployed. I lost my job around this time last year in Kumasi. So I decided to move to Accra in search of greener pastures. Just as I planned to move, one of my Facebook friends who lives in Accra started chatting with me. So I told him, “I just lost my job, and I believe I will find a better job when I move to Accra. Can you help me find a place?” He agreed to help me, and in no time he got a place for me. I came from Kumasi to inspect the room and made payments before returning to get my stuff ready for relocation.
My friend’s sister-in-law lived in the same house I rented my apartment in. Actually, she was the one who helped me get my place. So when I got there we became close. She saw me go up and down searching for a job. She listened to my constant complaints, “Getting a job in Accra is not as easy as I thought it would be. It’s more difficult for someone who only has a WASSCE certificate like me.” Day in and day out, I would go and return with no good news.
So one day my newfound sister who was running a mobile money business suggested, “Why don’t you work with me? I won’t pay you much but at least it will be better than nothing. And I won’t mind if you quit when you get a better job.” I needed the money so I took her up on her offer. When I started working with her, a gentleman who frequented the shop paid particular attention to me. I saw all the signs that indicated that he was interested in me, but he didn’t tell me anything. It was my boss who told me, “Do you remember that man who comes to do transactions every day? His name is Nii. He told me he likes you, so I should talk to you on his behalf. What do you think about him?”
Before I could give her an answer she added, “You are my sister so I won’t lie to you. Nii is a ladies’ man. He is always in the company of different women. So be careful what you decide.” I told her I would think about it. Then I prayed about it for about a month and received an answer that felt like a confirmation. So I accepted Nii’s proposal and we started dating. One of the things he told me at the beginning of the relationship is, “I am a very busy man, so make good use of whatever time I spend with you.” And I loved how straightforward he was about it.
Nii also had this aura around him that pulled me to fall in love with him. Besides, I liked older men and he is fourteen years older than me, so that sealed me in. One day I asked him, “Why are you not married at your age?” That was when he revealed to me that he is divorced. I was a little bit surprised but I wasn’t bothered. I understand that people leave marriages for different reasons so I wasn’t going to judge him based on that. However, less than a month into our relationship I started noticing certain questionable traits in him. I realized he had serious anger issues. He would flare up at the slightest inconvenience and bark until he calmed down. Instead of facing the issue, I told myself, “It’s not his fault that he gets angry. I am the one who provokes him. So from now on, I will try my best to behave well.”
While the drama with Nii was unfolding, I was also facing challenges at work. I incurred losses during transactions so at the end of the month, my boss made deductions from my salary and I was always left with almost nothing. I was mostly surviving on the weekly allowances my pastor gave me. So I discussed my problems with Nii and told him that I would like to quit the job. He agreed with me, “If you want to quit then you should do it. I will give you some money to set up your own business.” Emboldened by his support, I quit the mobile money job and came to stay at home. I stayed in the house for three months hoping he would give me the money to start something, but he kept making excuses. I realized then that I have to figure stuff out on my own so I forgot about his empty promises.
In August I had to go back to Kumasi for a friend’s wedding, and also pack out of my room in Kumasi because the rent had expired. I told Nii about my plans before leaving and informed him when I arrived. Yet he didn’t call me even once to check up on me for about a week while I was there. I was mad but I tried not to contact him. Only for me to wake up one day to a text message from him; “I have gotten someone pregnant.” I was so shocked that I started to believe it was a joke. I remember asking him, “Is this a joke?” And he responded, “I cannot joke with such a delicate matter. I’m in a mess, and I expect you to go through it with me, that’s why I’m telling you.”
I returned to Accra on the 24th of August and he came to see me on the 29th. He was unapologetic so I asked if the whole pregnancy thing was a joke. And he showed me a message from the lady to confirm he wasn’t joking. They’ve asked him to marry the girl, but he doesn’t want to do it. “I know you are disappointed because I cheated on you, but we did it only once.” He said. Then he asked me to help him, “Allow me to impregnate you so that I won’t have to marry the other girl.” I couldn’t believe his audacity. I told him, “I don’t want you in my life anymore, Nii. I don’t even know what I have gotten from this relationship.”
So I broke up with him, and now he is angry with me. I don’t understand how he could hurt me and still turn around and act like the victim. I blame myself for all this. My instincts kept telling me that something was off but I kept trying to make the relationship work. I saw the red flags but I labelled them capes. My friend tried to warn me but I ignored her too. Whatever sign I thought I saw from God, was probably my own projection of what I wanted to see. At this point, I can say that in all my life I’ve never met someone as insensitive as Nii. I am hurt by what has happened but I know that I will be better with time. I have wasted seven months of my life with him but I have learned my lessons.
