I am a twenty-six-year-old lady who has been in a relationship with a thirty-eight-year-old man for some time now. He is a Ghanaian who mostly lives in the USA but he has been staying in Ghana for about a year now. We met when I was doing my job as an insurance associate. I was trying to sell him insurance policies but I ended up stirring his interest to get to know me on a personal level. I wasn’t the only one who talked to him, I was with a colleague, but I am the one he liked. His dad was also around that day. He kept teasing me, “You are a nice girl. I want you as a wife for my son.” We all laughed about it but it turned out he was serious.
My boyfriend and I started talking that day. As time went on, he made me aware that he has a son. “Why are you no longer with his mother?” I asked. He shrugged, “It’s just one of those things that happen. Life moves on so here I am, trying to move on with you.” I thought his proposal was smooth and I even smile at the memory of it. I had also decided that I liked him. And the fact that he had a child did not change anything for me. I told him, “I will give you a chance, but we have to take things at a snail’s pace. It will take time for me fully be in love with you.” He seemed pleased, “All that matters to me is that you have agreed to be with me. I am a patient man so I can wait for as long as you need me to.”
He has been a complete gentleman and has not tried to push me to do anything I am not ready for. What I am saying is that we haven’t done shuperu yet and that’s because I am not ready for that. One day we were alone together when he took off his shirt. That was when I noticed that he had tattoos over both his arms. He always wore long sleeves so I never saw them until then. One of the images on his arm was of a little girl. I got curious and asked, “Who is the little girl you’ve tattooed on your arms?” He looked at the tattoo, then turned to me and said, “That’s my daughter. Isn’t she beautiful?” My only response was, “You have a daughter?” He looked confused, “Yes, she’s thirteen. Didn’t I ever mention her to you?” I couldn’t talk. I felt hurt. I only shook my head and tried to calm the ache in my heart.
Since then, I have not been the same. I don’t know how I am going to introduce a man who has tattoos on his arms to my family. Let’s not even add the fact that he has two children with two different women. If I had known this in the beginning, I wouldn’t have gotten involved with him. The unfortunate thing now is that I have gotten attached to him. I have fallen in love with him so now I can’t just walk away. He tells me he loves me all the time. He says he wants us to get married and start a family. He is clingy and barely gives me breathing space. Initially, I thought it was cute and romantic but now I feel smothered.
He wants to ask for my hand in marriage as soon as possible but I am stalling the process. I don’t know how my family will handle his tattoos and baby mamas. There’s also a minor issue of tribal differences. He is a Krobo and I am an Akuapem so I’m worried my parents may add all these issues together and say no to the marriage plans.
I’ve been asking myself a lot of questions about the future. Questions like, “What role will I play in the lives of these children?” I have even asked him this question. His answer was, “You have nothing to fear. I love you, and I want to marry you. As for the future, we will cross that bridge when we get there.” This answer does nothing to calm me. I don’t like uncertainties and the thought of marrying him fills me with only uncertainties and confusion.
There are times I think, “This guy seems like a nice guy but is he worth it? Am I not too young to marry a man who is a father of two?” I really am very confused about this whole thing. Please is there any advice for me concerning this? Do you guys think I should take a leap of faith and marry him? Or I should walk away amicably before things get messy?