I struggled to get a job after my National Service. I didn’t have any money to survive on while I waited to get a job so I devised a business plan and asked my friend who lives in the UK for a loan. I told him, “I want to sell second-hand clothes while I wait to get a job. If you give me a loan, I promise to pay it back as soon as the business picks up.” The only question my friend asked was, “How much do you need?” After I told him and he sent me the money.
A little while after I started the business I met Tom Tom. He didn’t have a job or any source of income. What he had was big dreams and big talks about his ambitions. Tom Tom’s dreams are too big to fit into the entire expanse of Ghana if you ask me. When he expressed his interest in pursuing a relationship with me, I was happy. I didn’t mind that his pockets were mostly empty. I told myself, “He may be broke now but he has a vision. The kind of vision that drove the tsetse fly to pick a fight with an elephant. If I stand by him and support him, he will succeed.” I felt he was also the kind of man who would push me to achieve my goals. At that time I wasn’t wrong. He gave me a hand with my business.
After a while, the business started picking up. I had enough money to repay the loan I took. When I spoke to my friend he said; “I never planned to take the money back. Keep it.” I didn’t want to waste the money so I used it to buy a piece of land. My business kept doing well. It was taking care of me and my boyfriend. I gave him a monthly allowance so he wouldn’t have to ask me for basic needs. A year into the relationship, I got a job. I was posted to one of the remote districts in Ghana. After scanning the area, I realized that my clothing business wouldn’t do well over there. So I stopped and invested the money into pig farming. Tom Tom and I had gone through the risk assessment and the reward involved in the business before we ventured into it.
Pig farming doesn’t yield results immediately. One has to be patient to reap its benefits. This made things difficult for me because I had to depend solely on my salary. I started thinking of getting a side business to cushion my expenses. I saw that potatoes were abundant in the town so I decided to sell potato chips. Tom Tom agreed with my plans. I watched YouTube videos and learned how to fry the chips. The initial stage was difficult, especially when it came to slicing the potatoes. But I kept trying till I got better at it.
I fry it every day after I close from work. It got to a point, the demand got higher so I needed a helping hand. I told Tom Tom, “I know you are not doing much at the moment. Why don’t you come and help me out? I only need you to take care of the packaging.” “Which days are your busiest?” He asked. I told him all about my schedule and he agreed to help but he never did.
He only showed up on days I don’t sell the chips. He stopped being the helpful and supportive man I fell in love with. I started seeing a different side to him. When I suggested that he starts a business while he awaits a job, he became angry. He said, “You are talking to me as if I’m useless. Isn’t that how you see me? The useless unemployed boyfriend you are stuck with? Don’t worry, I’ll get a job soon. Just wait.” Because of this, I stopped talking about his work. He became someone who was constantly draining me of my money, my energy, and my peace of mind. Whenever Tom Tom sees that I have money, he comes up with problems that need money to be solved. Sometimes he would ask me for a loan though we both knew that he would never pay it back.
There was a time he got involved with another woman. It came with a whole lot of drama but I still stuck with him. It got to a point I realized he was taking advantage of my kindness. I started declining some of his requests for money. The only money I continued giving him was a monthly allowance.
Through my savings, I started working on my land. I had to pay an amount of GHC6,000 to one of my suppliers for building materials. We didn’t have the man’s bank branch in my district so I transferred GHC6500 to Tom Tom’s account and told him, “Please withdraw the money and pay GHC6000 to a supplier’s account for me. You can keep whatever is left.” Later the man called to tell me he didn’t receive the full amount he was expecting. He said I owed him GHC1500. I thought there was a mistake somewhere. When I called Tom to verify the details of the transaction, his phone was off. Two days later he called me with a whole lot of stories. He admitted to sending only part of the amount he was supposed to send. I got angry. I gave him a week to refund the money, but he brought only GHC500. He broke my trust. I realized I had to walk away from him.
Gradually I withdrew from him. When he noticed I had changed, he came to apologize. I wasn’t willing to let things go but he kept apologizing until I saw a change in him. He became the man I fell in love with, once again. I felt he was just pretending so I decided that I would no longer give him anything. No money, no shuperu, to see if he truly changed. It’s been five months now and his resolve has cracked. He has started showing me his bad attitude. When I call him, he acts like I’m disturbing him. When he calls he only complains, “I am not feeling well.” Or “I am hungry. I haven’t eaten for days.” I have also trained myself to respond “Sorry” when he complains. I try not to send him any money. The other day he got angry, “All you say is sorry. Is that all you can do?” Another time I called to check up on him. He angrily said, “That is all you know. You are always checking up on me. I don’t need that from you.” I apologized and told him I wouldn’t call him again.
Indeed, I’ve stopped calling him but he still calls me, pretending everything is okay. Sometimes it amazes me that after doing all that, he still comes back and acts normal. I don’t want him anymore. I have told him this but he refuses to accept it. I have seen that he’s an opportunist, and he is manipulative. I’ve ended the relationship but he keeps calling me. I’ve given him a bad attitude but he has blinded himself to the signs. If I block him right now, he will involve our families and cause drama. Please what can I do to put him off completely?