There is this guy I met sometime in my line of duty outside my station of work. We worked on a project for a week and we departed. I didn’t think much of him and I didn’t believe he also did. The project was over, I came back home to continue with my life. One afternoon he called. That was like a week after the program. I thought something went wrong and he wanted clarification so I was very courteous when talking to him. For about two minutes he was still on pleasantries, asking about my health and my parents and what have you. I asked him, “What did I do to deserve a call from you at this moment?” He laughed. He told me I came to mind so he decided to call.”
He called again the following day because he saw my status and wanted to know where I took the photo. He had been there before and wanted to be sure if that was where I went. We talked about the place and its amazing customer service and beautiful ambience. His call became a daily thing. Early morning he would call and say good morning. In the afternoon he would call and ask how my day was going. In the evening, he would call and talk about other things that kept us on the phone for hours.
One day he said, “So won’t you call me one day just to make me happy? It looks like I’m the one calling you all the time.” I called the following day and asked, “Are you happy now?” He answered, “The day is very young but I can confidently say that you’ve made my day. The calls became a responsibility we both shared. Everything he said or did point to the fact that he had feelings for me but this guy won’t say anything about it. I dropped cues just for him to say something but he never did.
One day he asked me, “So when would you come and visit me?” I was taken aback by his question. “Travel all the way to where you are? As what?” He was quiet for a while. He said, “As who you are. Are we not friends? Can’t a friend visit a friend?” I answered, “I have so many friends scattered on the surface of the earth. I don’t travel to see them and they don’t call me to visit them. When we meet, we have a ball but we don’t travel to see each other because we are just friends.” He answered, “Let’s assume that I and you are special friends. We are not as ordinary as the people you call friends.”
So I used the opportunity to ask him what he wanted from me, “Do you like me and can’t say it? You want me to be your girlfriend and can’t say it? It’s a new century, I don’t think men your age should have problems proposing to girls. Be bold and tell me what you want.” He asked me, “If I tell you I love you and want you to be my girlfriend would you say yes?” I told him, “You’ll only know the answer if you do.” He didn’t propose so I didn’t say yes. I didn’t also travel to visit him as he suggested. I was even beginning to hate him because men like that annoy the hell out of me.
The following day he sent me a message that read like a proposal and at the same time tried hard not to sound like it was proposing. “What do you mean, James? Is that how you propose to a girl? Then you have to do better than this to deserve a response from me.” He went back into his shell and never talked about it again. Honestly, I had grown fond of him and a little push from him would have gotten me to say yes but he refused to make a move.
Weeks later, he came to town. He called to tell me he was in town and wanted to see me. I was very happy though I didn’t know our situation. He took me to the hotel he was lodging and I spent half of my day with him. Just before I left for my house he said, “I like you. I really do but I don’t know why you don’t see it.” I answered, “I see it but I wanted you to come out boldly and say it.” He asked what I think about him and I said, “I like you too.”
He spent three days in town and I was with him throughout. We kissed at some point. He wanted more but I stood my ground and told him it was too early. All the time I was with him, he pushed for it, I fought him off until he stopped. When he left, the conversation continued. I was so in love with him that if I didn’t hear from him in a couple of hours, it felt like he had been gone for ages. One month after I had said yes to him, I made the trip to go and see him. He got me a hotel because he was living with a friend. I spent my days at his house but in the evening, I will go to the hotel and spend the night there.
Again, he made moves on me and again I fought him off. I still wasn’t sure about him. His ways of doing things indicated that he wanted nothing but shuperu. That put me on red alert. I left his place without giving in to his pressure. All this while, I thought we were dating or better still, we were trying to get to know each other so we can take the relationship a step forward. He talked to me every day and behaved just like before. Nothing changed though I didn’t grant his wish. We’d been in this situation for months so I asked him, “When am I going to see your family?” It was just a casual question. He answered, “See my family? As what?”.
I was confused. “What am I to you?” He responded, “A friend”
“Really? Are you joking with me right now or you’re serious?”
“But that’s the truth? We are just friends. Or you’re thinking differently?”
“Oh, so you were trying to sleep with your friend?”
“You’re a friend I have feelings for, that’s all.”
“How about the proposal? Was that a joke?”
“I said I like you. I didn’t say I love you. I like you as a friend.”
For several seconds my mind was spinning. I didn’t know what to tell him. He continued telling me how he likes me and wants to be with me but not in a committed way because he isn’t ready to be in a committed relationship and all those nonsense.” I got angry and cut the call. He called again and again and I didn’t pick up the call. weeks later, the conversations have changed. Now he’s trying very hard to get me to consent to a non-committed relationship.
I told him, “I don’t even know what that’s supposed to mean. You’re in a relationship with me and not committed? It means I can see someone else if I want to though you’re in the picture?”.
It’s been on and off for some time now. I like him but I don’t think I will allow myself to be in that sort of relationship with him. He sends me gifts and dotes on me at any given chance. On my birthday last month, he got me a new iPhone and jewellery.
My confusion is this, how can a man spend this much on a woman and still not want her in a committed way? Is that reasonable? Is that some form of relationship I’m not aware of? Do people date other people with no commitment? I can’t do it, even if he buys me the world but it looks like he’s determined to get me to say yes. Is it normal? I really want to know.