I believe strongly in love and loyalty. There seem not to be much of that going around these days but I believe that if you agree to be in a relationship with someone, you have to stick to only them through thick and thin. Because of this, I came to the conclusion that men in their twenties wouldn’t be the best fit for me when it comes to love. I saw them to be too young to want to settle down. So my interest was in men who were thirty years and over. I told myself, “Older men have their life together. They know what they want and they don’t have time to be changing women.”
It was with that mindset that I opened myself to dating my friend’s uncle who was in his late thirties. We met at my friend’s birthday party and he instantly connected with me. He expressed interest in me that very day but I wasn’t ready for a relationship. He was quite relentless in his desire to be with me. We spoke from time to time and eventually, I started catching feelings for him so I said yes. Our beginning was not hot and passionate, or anything lovey-dovey but as we progressed, our feelings aligned and we fell in love. It was at that time that I found out that he has two children with two different women. The youngest of the kids was barely a year old and the mum was his high school sweetheart who was living abroad.
I didn’t know a lot of things then but I knew it wouldn’t be right to continue my relationship with Appiah. I asked myself, “If I had a newborn with a man, would I want him dating the twenty-four-year-old friend of his nephew? No, I wouldn’t.” I ended things with him and tried to move on with my life. A few months later he came to me pleading, “I have not been the same since you left me. Please, give me another chance. You have nothing to worry about with my kids’ mothers. I don’t have anything to do with any of them.” “Not even your high school sweetheart?” I asked. He shook his head, “Not even her. We were just friends who hooked up one time and she got pregnant. Now, we are just co-parents. Believe me, you are the only person I love and want to be with.”
I accepted his explanations and took him back. He did everything perfectly. He said the right things when I needed to hear them and comforted me when I was low. He said jokes that made me laugh and complimented me at every turn. I kept falling deeper in love with him until I was down flat. During the Covid-19 lockdown, I spent an entire month with him, bonding and getting connected on a deeper level. I felt I had found ‘the one’ because of how smooth and easy it all seemed. Even when we had problems, we solved them easily and moved past them. It was a time in my life where I truly felt happy. It was like everything was happening for my good
Then last year on his birthday, I came upon a video compilation his second baby mama posted on his Facebook wall. The content of the video suggested that they were in a relationship. I was completely shattered but I decided not to ask him about it. I quietly removed myself from his life. After two months apart, I was miserable. I realized there was a hole in my life only he could fill so I went back to him and asked him to take me back. In December last year, he invited me over to his place( we live in different regions). This time, everything was off. It wasn’t like how things used to be when I was there the first time. I was with him but I felt we were far apart. He spoke on the phone till midnight. It was obvious whoever he was talking to was a woman.
I started regretting my decision to get back together with him. His nephew who was my friend had told me over and over again, “My uncle is a womanizer Afia, let him go. He is not good enough for any woman, especially you.” But I was in love so I never listened. As the harsh reality of my error in judgment stung me in the face, Appiah told me; “I have to travel urgently for work so I need you to leave as soon as possible.” This was the oldest lie in the books and I was surprised he used it on me. When I left I sent him a breakup message, and he replied “Okay” without even asking why.
Two weeks after the breakup, my friend invited me to their family get-together and I went. Appiah was also there with his second baby mama in his arm. Seeing the two of them together hurt like hell. I couldn’t compose myself. I ended up crying until I decided to run home. On my way home, I stopped by the clinic for a check-up because I had been feeling unwell. The lab ran some tests and one of them came out positive. It was the pregnancy test. I hated the fact that I was carrying Appiah’s child but I didn’t have it in me to get rid of it. I confided in my friend about the pregnancy and he went to tell his uncle.
This man never called to ask how I was doing or coping with the pregnancy. He only reached out to me when he heard that I was having complications. It turned out to be an ectopic pregnancy. Appiah persuaded me to terminate it, “This is for your safety. A lot can go wrong with this. Think about it and when you decide to take my advice, I will pay for the cost involved.” I thought about it and heeded his advice. But he didn’t even give me a penny for the process. His baby Mama from abroad is still in Ghana and living with him. I also found out that his first baby mama spent some time with him while we were together. I think about all the men I rejected because of him and I get hurt all over again.
Sometimes I get angry at myself that it took me so long to realize that he is a liar and a womanizer. And I do hope that the women who are involved with him get to that realization sooner than later.
I have become so distrustful of men that I don’t want to have anything to do with relationships. I want to believe that this is all part of the healing process and that when I’m ready, I will meet the right person.