He’s a complete man, a little over six feet tall and muscles all over the places where muscles ought to be. One thing you notice immediately when you see him is his beard. Full grown beard covering his face with his mouth and nose sticking out of the beard. I loved him the very moment I saw him but I wasn’t the kind of woman who will go forward and propose to a man so I laid back. I’m bold and outward but I’m not on that level yet, to propose to a man. He approached me once and it was fire between us. He took my number and the conversation never stopped. He has this huge sense of humour that makes it easy for me to laugh whenever I’m with him. Life seemed smooth with him so when he proposed, I accepted it.
The first thing I noticed about him was how clingy he was. He would call in the morning and ask about my day. In mid-morning he would call again. He would call twice before the afternoon ended and in the evening, he’ll come to my office so both of us would go home together. I didn’t have issues with it at first. New love is always like that. At first, it looks like the two can’t be apart but as time goes on, we learn to live apart from each other.
Close to six months and this man was still like that. When he comes to my house in the evening, he wouldn’t like to leave until I sleep. I wasn’t ready to spend the night with him yet so each time we were together in the evening, the idea was to leave later in the night.
He would like to be with me every day so at some point, I realized I was losing touch with my friends. I couldn’t go to the places they invited me to because if I had to go, I had to go with him. I loved him but I didn’t want that kind of love so I decided to have a conversation with him. It was one of those evenings when he came to me and didn’t want to leave. I told him, “Kobby, you know you don’t have to be with me every day, right? Yes, you’re mine and I’m yours but we ought to have the freedom to live our separate lives too. I’m not saying this to push you away. I’m saying this for you to know that we don’t have to be together all the time.”
His demeanour got sober all of a sudden. He didn’t talk and didn’t express any emotion. I asked him, “Won’t you say anything?” He answered, “You hate my presence and I understand it. What do you want me to say?” I retorted, “Kobby, nooo, that’s not what I mean. I love your presence but what I’m saying is that we don’t have to be together every day just because we love each other’s presence. We love the cold weather but can we enjoy it all year round? No. That’s exactly what I mean.”
This guy left my place and decided not to call or even text until I call or text him. For over a week I was the one doing the calling. I presumed he was angry with me so I went to visit him one night. Immediately I asked what was wrong, this guy broke down in tears. The way he did it, I thought he was going through issues or something of his was missing. “Kobby, what is it? What trouble are you going through? He started talking through sobs; “It hurts when a woman you love doesn’t appreciate the kind of love you bring to the table. I”m still hurt by the way you spoke to me the other day. What is wrong if the man you love wants to be around you all day?”
In my mind, I was like, “Really? Should this call for tears?” But when I spoke to him I said, “Kobby tell me this is not the reason for your tears. It ought to be bigger than this to call for this kind of tears. Who hurt you? What’s the matter with you?” He answered, “Things like these get me emotional. You don’t know, it hurts when you love someone and the person doesn’t see or appreciate it.” I was quiet for a while. I didn’t know how to approach him in that state of mind. I went to sit next to him, threw my hand around his neck and apologize to him; ”It won’t happen again. I didn’t know how deep it goes for you. Forgive me. I love you too, that’s an undeniable fact.”
He calmed down and the rest of our days went on just fine.
From there, the relationship took another turn. He started questioning my moves and asking my whereabouts at any given time. He expects me to be home at certain times so when he calls and I’m not home, he gets angry. Once he called me and his call was waiting. I called immediately afterwards and this guy got so angry he hang up on me. I had to go to his house to have a conversation with him. Right in the middle of the conversation, he broke down. “You’re hurting me. I know this is the reason why you don’t want me around you all the time. So you can get time for those guys too.” I screamed, “Kobby, I wasn’t talking to a guy. I can show you my call records. It’s a lady friend I was talking to.” All that while he was speaking through sobs. “You’re hurting me. You really don’t understand this love and how I want things to be.”
I calmly said, “So must you cry about this too?”
That threw him to the corners of his emotions and he cried like a baby. I asked myself, “What have I gotten myself into?” All my life, I’ve never been the reason a man would cry. I can get a man angry, angry to the extent that he would run away from the relationship but to make a man cry? Never! Even those I left stranded in the relationship didn’t cry, then Kobby happened. When something happens and we both get angry, he’ll end up crying. When I got fed up with his antics and decided to stay off the relationship, he cried. He took my phone and read my messages one evening. A friend of mine called me, “Dear,” and that also drew tears from him. I got fed up and told him to man up; “You’re a man. What is it with you and your tears? Where is the man in you?”
That also drew tears from him; “Obviously you don’t understand the kind of man I am. It’s the reason why you are treating me this way.”
In this relationship, I’m the man. I’m the one who always dry tears from the eyes of the man who is supposed to be my backbone. Honestly, this thing won’t get us anywhere. We’ve dated for a little over a year but I’m already tired and soaked with enough tears. His clinginess bothers me because I love to be with myself sometimes. He’s too jealous that I can’t even breathe around another man without questions. I’ve harboured the desire to walk away for some time now but I don’t know how to go about it. I’m waiting for the next time he cries so I tell him, “It looks like I’m giving you too many tears so it’s better we quit so you can save some tears for the future.”
The whole thing makes me worried. He’s not a bad person. He cares and it is obvious. He loves me and it shows. If only he could keep dry eyes for a while and stay grounded without any sign of jealousy, then this love would thrive but it looks like telling him all these would rather bring in more tears so I rather keep it to myself. My question is, is that normal? There are men in this world who are like my Kobby who cry for no reason? Is that enough reason for me to break up with him? Does it stop at some point?” Too many questions but please tell me something.
Try to change him, but do not break up.