My entire life I have been told that I am a difficult person to love. And judging from the number of failed relationships I have had, I believe this is true. Most of the relationships were awfully short. There were times I’d ask myself, “How difficult can I be, for men to run out of my life the moment they get to know me?” I was tired of the disappointments so I decided to stay single for as long as possible. But you know what they say, “Love comes knocking when you decide you’ve had enough.” That’s how I met someone shortly after I decided that I was better off single.
He is a man of few words with a calm demeanour. I liked him the very moment I met him but I tried to hide my feelings. He on the other was very loud about his feelings for me. He wanted us to date but I was scared. I told him, “You say you like me now but when you get to know me properly, you’ll run off.” He didn’t pay attention to my words of discouragement. I decided then to look into him just to be sure of him. The stories I heard about him put me off. They were about his relationship with women. Everyone I talked to, implied that he was a womanizer. I didn’t want to get involved with someone like that so I just stopped talking to him. But he didn’t give up on me.
“Give me a chance to show you how much I love you.” He would say. I would turn him down but he would come back more determined. After a while, I stopped pushing him away. I spoke to my best friend about him and she advised; “If it is true that he was a womanizer, maybe that is his past. Give him a try for a few weeks and see if he is serious.” So I accepted his proposal. He has been patient with me and he understands me better than anyone ever did. He knows how to handle me at my worst and appreciate me at my best. With him, I don’t feel like I am difficult to love. Whenever we got into a fight, he made sure we resolved it immediately and it doesn’t drag into a new day.
As time went on, I learned how to resolve issues instead of holding grudges. This contributed to my personal growth and it also made our relationship easier. I have never doubted his love for me and I too am madly in love with him. I would have thought of our relationship as perfect, had he not been broke. I am a student who has a small business. I don’t have financial support from anywhere so my business is how I survive and take care of my school fees and learning materials. Now, my boyfriend is usually broke so I offer him financial assistance. Sometimes he asks me to help, and other times I do it on my own. Whichever way, it doesn’t help my finances at all.
He is always grateful for the little money I give him and the gifts I buy for him, but I have never received anything from him since we started dating. I am not expecting him to take over my upkeep or buy me expensive gifts. I would appreciate it even if he got me something thoughtful but cost very little or no money. I also want to be able to ask him for help whenever I’m in a bind. But I can’t, because of his poor finances.
In December 2020, I travelled to visit him in his family’s home. I shopped for him and he was very happy, which in turn made me happy. I wished he would take a cue from that and reciprocate the gesture but that hasn’t happened yet. I spent some time with him at his family’s home and he introduced me to his mother and siblings. His mother treated me as she would her own daughter. His sister and I grew close and she became my confidant. One day my boyfriend and I were having issues and I decided to vent to his sister. In the process, I mentioned my frustration with his financial situation and how he had never given me a pesewa since we started dating.
His sister opened up to me about their family situation; “My dad has never been responsible for our family’s finances. My mum was doing it all alone until my brother was old enough to take over from her. He was still very young then but he did it anyway. While his age mates were having fun with their monies, he was busy playing a fatherly role with his. He made sure we never lacked school fees and food.” She pointed to their uncompleted house, “You see this house we are living in, he is the one building it for us. Unfortunately, he had to put it on hold since the collapse of his business. He was into event decorations but due to the ban on public gatherings, he has nothing to do. Be patient with him please.”
That conversation helped me to understand him better. I knew about his business collapsing but I didn’t know about his responsibility toward his family. I saw him in a new light and my respect for him increased. His mother also called me and pleaded with me to be patient with her son. My boyfriend doesn’t know about the conversation I had with his sister. The last time I went to see him he was still broke. He is trying his best to build his business back but things are slow. I am also struggling with my business and this makes me sad and stressed out. I hate that I can’t ask my man for financial assistance. I know that whatever little money he gets will go into supporting his family. And even though I am struggling, he asks me for money and I give him. This whole situation is suffocating me and I don’t know what to do.
I am worried that after all this, he may end up walking out on me as every man before him has done. I want some form of assurance that his situation is going to change and when it does, he would stick with me. I love him very much but I want to make sure that I am not wasting my time and my resources on him. I don’t know how to ask him these questions without hurting his feelings. How do I go about this, please?.