My girlfriend and I started dating when we were both in senior high school. I was in form three, while she was a freshman in the same school. Her beauty caught my attention the very first day I saw her so I didn’t waste time approaching her. Up until today, I still remember how awestruck I was when I first saw her. I couldn’t believe anyone could be that beautiful. And even though I liked her I was in a relationship with a different girl from another school. However, that didn’t stop me from expressing interest in her and asking her to be my girlfriend. She also liked me so she accepted my proposal.
After a week together, my conscience started attacking me for dating two girls. I became very confused so I stopped calling Eunice. I just didn’t have it in me to cheat on my first girlfriend. Unfortunately for me, she broke up with me not long after that. We had dated for six months and I was very much in love with her. So I was so devastated by the breakup.
I went back to Eunice and tried to make amends but she wouldn’t talk to me. All I wanted was a chance to explain myself, but she refused to listen to me. I also didn’t give up. I continued trying to talk to her until she gave in two years later. After I explained myself, she forgave me and gave me another chance. We left the past behind us and started dating again on a clean slate.
We were both green and didn’t know much about shuperu. I remember that we tried to do it one time but we were unsuccessful. We were both scared that it would be too painful for her so we stopped. Nonetheless, that experience did not stop us from enjoying our relationship. We did other things that made us happy until her attitude toward me started changing. She became reserved, and when I asked, “Is everything okay?” She would say, “No, but I can’t talk about it.” I became very worried but no matter how hard I tried she shut me out. I felt so helpless watching her go through a difficult time. It hurt me more when I couldn’t even say anything to comfort her because she didn’t trust me enough to open up to me.
As time went on our happy relationship turned into a gloomy one, and I grew weary of it. So one day I told her, “I can’t do this anymore. I’m out.” She got angry, “You are telling me that after one and a half years you don’t have the patience to see me through a difficult situation? You would rather break up with me than wait for me to come around? Wow, goodbye then.” After her outburst, I realized that maybe I was too impatient with her. So I apologized and tried to win her over again. But she was still angry and refused to give me another chance. For three whole years, I kept trying to get her to take me back but she refused.
It isn’t that I didn’t try to move on, I did. But every time I tried, it felt like I was cheating on her. And I didn’t like the feeling so I always ended those relationships hoping that I would get back together with Eunice.
In the fourth year after our breakup, I decided to finally put her behind me and move on. That was when I met Efua. She is an awesome woman who had everything I wanted in a woman. She challenged me intellectually, and it made me love her more. Loving her was so easy but our love life ended faster than I thought. We both had different values and plans, and even though we wanted to be together, we couldn’t. So we came to a mutual understanding to end our relationship. It happened in 2021 and we are now very good friends.
A few months before the end of 2021, I received a phone call from an unknown number. The person on the other end was Eunice. She called to say hello. I was happy to hear from her so we kept talking and catching up as the days went by. She told me everything that happened after we broke up. She dated three people after us and lost her virginity along the way. She said, “That’s why I didn’t want to take you back. I felt I had wronged you by giving it to someone else. After everything you and I went through, you were supposed to be my first.”
I told her it didn’t matter. And she went on to say, “I was going to get married to someone. Then I got pregnant in the process of our marriage preparations. So we decided to wait till I deliver before we get married. Sadly, I lost the baby at birth. After that, I cancelled the marriage plans and broke up with the guy. He didn’t know my reasons but I did. It didn’t feel right for me to marry another man when you were still in my heart. I still love you.” Her declaration was a pleasant surprise. We spoke at length and I also told her all that happened after we broke up. We started dating on 1st January 2022. I have met her parents and we are preparing to get married in early 2023. We love each other, there’s no doubt that, but we are currently at an impasse.
The problem is, I was born into a Christian home. My mom was a Catholic but she converted and became a Presbyterian when I was five years old. We all went to church with her except my dad. He wasn’t the church-going type, but he always made sure we followed our mother to church. He did everything that would make us happy to go to church. I was in every group in the church; choreography, Bible study, drama, service leader, liturgist, choral chorister, and music director. I won several Bible quizzes for both my church and other churches I represented. However, I never felt like I knew God.
So lately, I have been questioning or rather seeking to understand who God is. I thought I should widen my horizon and do that outside the lens of Christianity or any other religion for that matter. The thought of it brought me to questions like, “What if I don’t become a Christian anymore?” “What will become of my family?” “Will I stop my future kids from being Christians?” So I decided to talk to the three most important people in my life; my parents, my best friend, and my fiancée. My parents and my best friend listened to my reasons carefully and said that I was free to choose my path and they will keep me in their prayers.
My girlfriend, on the other hand, is threatening to leave me if I leave the Christian faith. She says, “I don’t intend to marry a non-Christian husband and I will not make an exception for you. I cannot live under the same roof with you if you renounce your faith.”
It is worth noting that I have never imposed my beliefs or opinions on her. She always says that I am the best person she could ever be with. She talks about how envious her friends are of her whenever she talks about me. How understanding, caring, loving, and amazing I am is all she wants in a husband.
I asked her, “So would you rather I pretend to be a Christian even if I don’t feel like it? Do you want me to be untrue to myself? If you are concerned about our kids, don’t. I will not impose my beliefs on them.” Her only response was, “It’s either you are a Christian or there’s no us.”
I love her and I don’t want to lose her but I also need to find my path. What do I do?
1 Comment
Firstly, you need some time to yourself and your supposed fiance. Secondly, your fiance needs to understand that threat in relationships is greatly unhealthy and one of the causes of marital failures. Thirdly and most importantly, you need to study. Study what? Study the Word of God. You need to know whom you want to serve as the Lord of your soul either to be a Christian, Muslim, Buddhism, Hinduism or the African native religion. But you must know for yourself whom you want. Try and see. May God show Himself to you as you devote yourself unto knowing Him for who he is.
But I must say that Christ is the only assurance of eternal life beyond this life. Do not view all those who claim to be Christians to be Christian. There are many pretenders. Christianity is not about choosing to be going to church gathering alone and believing that all who go to church gathering are Christians. Know Christ for yourself and you will find rest. Only Christ promises rest if you FULLY SUBMIT to him. However the choice is ultimately yours.