We started our relationship when we were both in college, studying veterinary medicine. We were both struggling financially, but we had a shared dream of opening our own veterinary practice. After I graduated, I made the decision to work abroad to save up money for our future. We agreed to maintain a long-distance relationship, with the understanding that I would eventually return, we would buy a house, and work together towards our goal.
Fast forward four years, and we are engaged. She is only one year away from graduating, and I have worked tirelessly to save €100,000 to purchase a suitable house in her hometown. She actively participated in the process of finding the house, showing how invested she is in our shared future. She also has some savings (€5000) that she wants to contribute as a downpayment to secure the house until I can transfer the rest of the funds.
I insisted on repaying her immediately, but she declined, expressing her preference to have her name on the deed. I proposed a 90/10 ownership split, reflecting her contribution, but she rejected this idea, stating that she would rather not be involved at all if it couldn’t be equal.
I then offered to either do the 90/10 split or repay her the downpayment, as I felt it would not be fair to split the ownership 50/50 considering the four years of hard work and sacrifices I made to secure the funds. I also acknowledged and appreciated her sacrifices, such as accepting the long-distance relationship despite her initial reservations.
However, I expressed concerns about the future. I didn’t want to find myself in a situation where, in the event of a divorce, she would be entitled to half of the house and practice, potentially leaving me without a home or a livelihood. I want to clarify that I don’t believe this is likely to happen, but I want to protect myself from such possibilities. Unfortunately, she didn’t take my concerns well and felt hurt by the implication that she would take advantage of me in that way. She now wants to break up.
I’m feeling incredibly torn and conflicted. Part of me wants to give in and accept the 50/50 ownership to salvage the relationship, but another part of me is concerned that she may be manipulating me. Despite knowing (or hoping) that she is better than that, there is a nagging doubt in my mind.
I feel like maybe I don’t truly know her, especially since the majority of our four-year relationship has been long-distance. On the other hand, I acknowledge that she stuck by me during this time when she could have been enjoying her college life to the fullest.
It’s a difficult situation, and I’m grappling with mixed emotions. I would appreciate any thoughts or insights on how to navigate this challenging decision.
