I have been dating this girl on and off for the past three years. I met her at my old job. The day we met, we got into an argument. It was more of her fault than mine so I was very upset. I spoke to a few of my colleagues, “Mary and I started off on the wrong foot. How can I fix that?” Every one of them told me, “Oh, don’t bother with her. She is bipolar. I am sure you caught her on a bad day.” I understood what they meant but I wanted to make peace with her so I tried to talk to her. She was resistant at first but eventually, we found a mutual ground.
Despite our rocky start, Mary and I became work buddies. We got close very fast and the chemistry between us was inflammable! She was beyond kind to me. She helped me to navigate work and brought me coffee and lunch when she realized I had two jobs and had no time in between to grab some refreshments.
After our first date, we were inseparable. I was glad I tried to make peace with her because she was everything I wanted in a woman. We moved in together three months into the relationship.
A day after we moved in, our problems began. She started displaying some anger issues she had never done previously. What didn’t she do to me? Verbal, emotional, and physical abuse, she did all of it when she was angry. Some of the cases can even be filed under domestic violence. Her anger usually lasted for days, and she would ignore me as long as it lasted. I am the kind of person who likes to sit down and talk about issues the moment it occurs. I don’t like being in a conflict environment. It makes me uncomfortable. Mary was the opposite. It seemed she fed off negativity and chaos. That’s the only explanation I can come up with for her behaviour.
As time went on she got worse. Whenever we got into a fight, she would kick me out of the apartment we both paid for. Sometimes she would call the police to escort me out, all because I made the mistake of putting only her name on the rent documents. Her behaviour deeply affected me to the point where I became closed off from everyone. I couldn’t talk to anyone about my experience. I couldn’t even talk to her anymore. We were just floating in the relationship until I decided to take charge of my life again.
I moved back to my mother’s house while I prepared to get my own apartment. The first apartment I rented was two years ago. The whole purpose of getting my own place became futile as I ended up spending all my free time at Mary’s place. At that point too we were fighting less than we used to. Things were going on well with us. So she suggested, “We are getting along very well now. So why don’t we move back in together? We’ll rent your place out and use the money for something else.” It sounded like a logical thing to do so I agreed. I moved back in with her only for her anger problems to resurface. She would kick me out or call the cops to escort me whenever she was upset with me.
Along the line, I decided not to pay the full share of my rent to her anymore. My reason was; “I spend most days of the month out of the apartment due to being kicked out. I don’t see why I should pay the rent in full.” She did not take it well, and I ended up moving back to my mother’s house. I went to her place one day after work and saw her male friend in her bed. When I talked she told me, “He is here to help me pay my rent since you’ve refused to pay.” I was devastated. I decided to take some time off and travel. I toured other states just to clear my mind.
I returned a few months later and stayed at my mother’s house till I got another apartment. Mary came to see me and we spoke about our issues and resolved them. I believed that our time apart had given her some new perspectives on our relationship. After getting along well for some time, I gave her the spare key for my place. I felt I had to do that because she helped me pay for the rent. A few days after giving the keys to her we got into a fight. So she returned the keys. Later she came back to ask for them but I refused to give them back to her.
Fast forward to now. We live apart for the sake of peace. But her anger issues haven’t gotten better. She gets mad and either leaves my apartment or kicks me out of hers depending on where we are. To be honest, I got tired of the back and forth so I decided to see other people. And everyone I met pales in comparison to her. She is still my favourite person to be with when she is not angry. But being with her makes me anxious. I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I always expect her to get upset and start a fight. And I worry that it will come a time when we will fight and never fix things.
So I suggested to her, “I think we should take a step back from dating and try and be friends. We rushed things when we first met and now it’s affecting us.” She agreed with me so we broke up and became friends. I was hoping that it would help the relationship in the long run. However, she recently asked me to make my social media page private because I had posted a picture of both of us. “I don’t want my mother to see a photo of us together.” She said. This made me realize that she never introduced me to any of her family or friends the entire time we’ve been together. So I decided to leave the picture there for her family to see. Now, she is upset and she is refusing to talk to me.
I don’t know if I should wait around for her to get over it or if I should just move on. I am tired of her issues but I love her very much. My brain is in conflict with my heart over her and I don’t know which to listen to.