My girlfriend wants to continue living with me while she continues dating her ex
She’s a third-year student at the University of Ghana. When I proposed to her, she told me, “I just broke up with a guy who won’t let me be. He can be violent sometimes so I’m withdrawing slowly from him so he doesn’t attack me. Just give me some time to do away with him first.” I was stunned. I asked, “You mean he’ll attack you because you’re breaking up with him? Who does that? Is love by force? Is relationship something we have to take with force?” She told me, “You wouldn’t understand but just give me some time to disentangle myself from his web.” I loved her. By all means, I wanted her to be mine so I agreed.
A few weeks later she sent me a message, “I can’t wait for that silly guy to leave me alone before I can love again. It’s my life and I deserve better–a better man who can love me truly. Let’s do this, but I hope when push comes to shove you’ll defend me. You’ll stand by me and fight him off.” I answered, “You don’t have to fear anything. There are laws in the country. He can’t hurt you and he can’t do anything to put you in harm’s way. You have me.”
I spoke like the man he needed me to be because I was in love with her, but deep down I had questions. “What if her ex had a gang who can attack me in the street?” “What if he’s more dangerous than I perceive him to be? What if…?” Regardless of all these questions, I accepted to be in love with her. Whenever she was with me, I asked about her ex. I needed a progress report to see if we were safe. She would say something like, “Slowly he’s accepting the fact that he can’t cage me. He doesn’t come around because I don’t see him. And he doesn’t call as he used to because I don’t pick up his calls.” I was relieved to know that slowly I was becoming the only man in her life.
Her needs were my responsibility and I discharged my responsibility without fail. I bought her books, I have her weekly allowance and took her places she wanted to go. I’m not rich. I’m only a guy in love who’s ready to do everything to hold on to the woman I love. She spent a night with me one time and her mood was all over the place. She will pick up a call and go outside to talk. She’ll come back looking like there’s a problem. I asked, “What’s going on? You don’t look good. What’s the problem with you?” She answered, “It’s my ex but don’t worry, I’ll handle him.” Of course, I was worried. I kept pushing her until she told me her ex had gone to her hostel to take everything he had ever bought for her. The ex called her to demand the phone in her hands because he bought it for her.
I got angry. “Why is this guy doing everything to make your life miserable? Who is he that has no shame? You walk to a lady’s hostel when she’s not there to cause confusion?” She answered, “In my next life I will never date a student. See how he’s all over the place embarrassing me? Is it a sin to love someone with all your heart?” She went back to campus the next day and didn’t come with her phone. “He has collected it,” she said. I told her not to worry because I was going to get her a new one. Days later I bought her a new phone.
One day she told me, “I don’t feel safe on campus again. Everyone on campus knows about my ex issues and they point at me when I’m walking around. I think my ex is monitoring my movement. I’m scared he might hurt me one day. I want to move in with you. From here to campus isn’t far. I can always go to campus from here.”
We’ve been living together for the past three months. Even during vacation, she didn’t go home. She stayed with me until school resumed. Living with her has taught me that she’s the woman I need in my life. She keeps the house together like a good wife would do. I had a house but with her, the house became a home. By the time I come back from work, food would be ready. On weekends, she’ll wake me up and we’ll clean and wash together. Because of her, I know how to drive banku. She’ll take me to the kitchen, hold my hand and teach me how to do it. One day she said, “At least when I’m gone, you can cook for yourself.” I interjected, “Gone where? Right after school, I’m taking you home to meet my family. You’ll do the same too so the way can be paved for us to marry when the time is right.”
I felt God has come through for me with my Eve, the only thing left for us was our garden of Eden which we could put it up ourselves when we marry. One evening, all this feeling changed when I read on her phone that she was back together with her ex and they were both exchanging lovely messages. “I miss you so much.” “I miss you too. Can’t wait to see you on Monday.” I asked her, “Is it the same person you were running from? How come you’re missing the one who caused you to flee from campus?”
I wished she lied to me. She could have said something like, “Oh I’m only entertaining him because I don’t want him to be violent.” If she said something like that, I would have doubted her but still feel less pain than what she told me that night. She said, “He changed. My mother spoke to him and he turned a new leaf but I’m only testing him to see if indeed he’s a changed person.” I was like, “Your mother knows about him? Testing him how? Testing him by being with him, kissing him, doing all the things you once did with him when you were together? How far does the test goes?” She spoke nasally, “You won’t understand. We’ve come a long way so these things are normal.”
I snapped. I asked her to move her things back to campus so the two of them can continue their affair. Before she could say anything, I started packing her things for her to leave. She said, “But must it come to this? You knew he was there yet agreed to be with me? You know we didn’t break up and I’m not with him fully now. I’m only testing him but it’s you I really want.” By the time she finished her statement, her things were in front of the door. She started begging me for forgiveness. She said she couldn’t get a hostel at this point and I understood her. We are still here but the trust I have for her is zero. I believe she still sees her ex whenever she’s on campus. On Fridays, she goes to campus and never comes back until Saturday morning. She tells me they are having group studies but I know she sees the guy. She’s doing everything to make amends but I don’t believe her
She’s only here with me because she doesn’t have a place to stay. I know after school, she’ll leave, by then I might have been able to withdraw from her emotionally. I will feel nothing when she finally leaves.