I met Silas when I was in my third year at the university. He came to my hostel to visit his girlfriend when he saw me. He changed his plans and engaged me in a conversation instead. At the end of our talk, we exchanged contacts. When he got home our conversation continued. He was easy to talk to and I always looked forward to hearing from him. Silas and I set a date and went to lunch. I went out with him only as a friend. Among the things we discussed on this lunch date, was my desire to go back to my ex. Silas said, “Oh I don’t think that’s a good idea. There’s a reason the relationship didn’t work the first time. If you go back to him now, that reason still remains.”
He is a divorcé with three children so I figured he was more experienced in these things than I was. I took his advice and didn’t go back to my ex. He also broke up with his girlfriend. A month into our friendship he asked me to be his girlfriend. I really liked him by then so I said yes.
His frequent visits with me on campus made it obvious that we were dating. His ex-girlfriend got to find out about us and got angry. She told everyone that I snatched her boyfriend. I faced hell in my hostel because of this. Some people called me names and whispered insults behind my back. Others confronted me; “Why did you take her man? How could you betray the sisterhood?” .
I didn’t bother explaining to anyone that I didn’t know this girl. I only got to know about her after my boyfriend and I met. No one would listen to me or believe me so I said nothing. After suffering public anger for two months, I advised myself, “No man is worth this kind of trouble. Break up with him for your peace of mind.” So I told him that his presence in my life was causing trouble for me. We broke up peacefully and tried to remain friends.
After I completed my university, Silas started talking about us getting back together. He told me, “You know what they say, the heart wants what it wants. My heart has never stopped wanting you, Yaa. You broke up with me because of what my ex was doing to you on campus. Now you are done with school. Why shouldn’t we get back together now?” He made a lot of sense and I was still in love with him so eventually, I said yes and gave him another chance.
Our relationship became a long-distance one. He was in the north and I was in the south. We all know that where love is concerned, no journey is too far. Silas and I made it a point to see each other twice every month.
Along the line, I got pregnant and unfortunately miscarried. After that incident, Silas said, “I want to meet your parents. It’s time to make things official between us.” I was happy to hear him say that. I took him home to meet my family and my dad loved him. My mum on the contrary rejected him. She said she didn’t support my relationship with him for reasons she wouldn’t disclose to us. I prayed about it and talked to her consistently until finally, she gave me her blessings.
Not long after meeting my family, he brought a girl from his village to live with him. He said he was helping her rewrite her WASSCE so she could further her education. There was something about this girl that didn’t sit right with me. When I tried to talk about it he said “How can you think like that? She is my family. You are just being unnecessarily dramatic.”
Later Silas introduced me to his dad. While we were talking Silas brought up my concerns with the girl. His father immediately got offended. He said, “That girl is like a daughter to my son. There can never be anything amorous between them. We are not like those tribes who marry their relatives. Never say such things again.”
I apologized and promised to let it go. After that encounter, I took my mind off it. One day I visited Silas only to find ‘the morning after pill’ in the girl’s room. My instincts immediately told me that she was sleeping with Silas. I didn’t have proof but I confronted him about the pill. I even took off my engagement ring and told him I was done with him. I called the girl and asked her; “What is your relationship with my fiancé?” The girl retorted, “Didn’t you ask him?” I was livid. Silas’ reaction to everything was, “Yaa, do you know how crazy you sound right now? Just because she is taking the post-pill doesn’t mean I am the one she slept with. Why are you doing this?” .
Truthfully I felt crazy, I realized that he had a case. I apologized and let it go.”
I lost my father in 2019. In the wake of our grief, we held off with our wedding plans until he was buried in September 2020. After the funeral, I found out that I was pregnant again. I tried for us to quickly get married before I start to show. Unfortunately, things didn’t go as planned because of the way the pregnancy took a toll on my body. Six months into my pregnancy, I caught Silas red-handed cheating on me with the girl he swore was his family member.
It turned out my instincts were right after all. I wasn’t crazy. I was devastated and constantly depressed. I was too deep into the relationship. We were planning to get married and I was carrying his child. Only to find out that he had been cheating on me and lying about it. Silas wept and pleaded for forgiveness. He begged me not to tell anyone about the disgraceful thing he had done. He also begged me to take him back. He said he didn’t know what came over him and that he wouldn’t do it again.
Love forgives, isn’t that what they say?
I forgave him and I took him back. We got married after I had the baby. After we got married I thought things would fall in place and our marriage would be a happy one. I was wrong. My husband has two apartments. One is in his parents’ house and the other one is in town. I live in the one in town. The girl he cheated on me with lives in the one in his parents’ house. Silas goes between me and this girl. Ever since we got married, we’ve had intimacy only four times. He spends most of his time with the girl. I remember on three occasions our child was sick. I called Silas to tell him to come home but he didn’t. He spent the nights with the girl. This is how unashamed both of them are. Everyone knows about them now and they don’t care at all.
Silas’ mum called the girl’s mother to talk to her. She told the woman to advise her daughter to end her relationship with Silas. The girl’s mum said, “You people should leave me alone. No one should come and put stones in my food.”
At this point, I want to leave the marriage but I’ve been advised against it. The family elders are saying that our marriage is too young for me to leave. My husband hasn’t been mine since we got married. I’m tempted to believe he is under a spell because his behaviour is not normal. Why did he marry me if she is the one he wanted? It doesn’t make sense. I don’t know what to do right now.
You could have left the first time you saw the red flag
Whatever you sir you will reap. Let your Husband go for deliverance while you seek for forgiveness.