I’ve been married for three years. My husband came into the marriage with his thirteen-year-old son and we currently have a two-year-old daughter together.
Before we got married he was running a business that was thriving. He had twenty branches all over the country. He was not filthy rich but he was doing well enough to buy me a car. He also encouraged me to pursue my second degree and paid for all the expenses involved. It didn’t bother him that I was getting an MBA while he wasn’t highly educated himself. This is one of the things I loved about him.
After we got married he was still the kind and generous man I fell in love with. Our marriage was doing well until the COVID-19 pandemic hit the world and altered our lives. My husband’s business was greatly affected. Unfortunately, it happened around the time our daughter was born. While he was struggling to keep his business going, I became the breadwinner of our family. My husband tried his best but not a single branch of his business survived. After that, he started crypto trading and it wasn’t doing badly. The Crypto was ok but the amount he made from it wasn’t enough to take proper care of the family like he used to.
I pay school fees for the kids when he is unable to. I buy foodstuff for the house when he is not able to. I kept encouraging him not to give up. I go on my knees and he’s the one I pray for. After all this my husband makes me feel I am not doing enough for him. He tells me, “What is special about you paying school fees for the kids? Are they not your children too?” He knows I don’t earn much from the work I do and he knows that I am the first child of my parents. That means I make financial contributions to my parents and those of my siblings sometimes. This means that my income at the end of the month is split between my two families. I just wish my husband knowing this will show a little appreciation for my efforts. Instead, he gets angry when I support my external family.
Our first huge fight occurred when he told me, “Ever since I married you, things have gone bad for me financially. You have brought me bad luck. You and your family are the reason I am struggling like this.” Things got heated after he made that statement. My family is not involved in our marriage in any way. It was when I had our baby that my mother came to live with us. She left as soon as I could manage without her. My younger brother came to live with us because he was posted to Accra for National Service. My husband picked fights with me every day until he finally asked my brother to leave. Meanwhile, his nephew came to live with us and I never complained. He has another nephew who visits us unannounced and even when his visit inconveniences me I welcome him with open arms. I understand the importance of family and I try to accommodate his family but he feels my family brings him bad luck.
I don’t believe that is the truth. I believe he is the cause of his own bad luck. There was a time I went into his phone out of curiosity. The things I found out that day almost gave me a heart attack. He was having affairs with different women. He met some of them on social media. The part that bothered me was that he wasn’t using protection with any of them. I kept wondering, “So this man doesn’t care about infecting me with an STD?” Out of all the women he was sleeping with, there was one that stood out. He seemed to care about her and spent a lot of time with her. So I took her number and started talking to her. Initially, she didn’t want to tell me about the nature of their relationship but I kept pushing. Eventually, she told me “I am your husband’s second wife. His family married me for him a few months after he married you.”
That day I confronted my husband about the girl’s information and he didn’t deny it. I confronted his family too and they admitted what they did. They didn’t see a problem with it. I was broken into pieces by their betrayal. I asked for a divorce. He brought his family in to beg me so I wouldn’t leave him. They promised to dissolve his marriage with the other woman. And they did that. The lady got angry and told me, “He’ll never have peace for leaving me that way and I will ensure that. I know where to go to make him fall on his knees.”
I didn’t believe her but from that time things started falling apart for my husband. He won’t accept this but I believe the lady he married followed through with her threat. Even if she didn’t curse him, I am sure that all the bad luck he took from his extramarital affairs is the reason he’s suffering today.
There was a time he asked me and our daughter to leave his house. I remember telling him, “You can’t throw us out as if we are garbage. If you don’t want me anymore, take me back to my father’s house.” He responded, “If you don’t leave this house by Monday, we shall see.”
I felt threatened so I called his dad to inform him. His dad said he would get back to me but he never did. In the days that followed, my husband slept in the living room. He ate takeouts with his son and refused to talk to me. Before Monday I packed my things and left with our daughter. My parents called him on several occasions to get his side of the story but he didn’t and were their calls. When his family found out they called my family; “We are sorry about our son’s behaviour. Please let your daughter return to her marital home.” I refused to go back. I told them, “I will only return if my husband asks me to.”
A week later he called me. He didn’t apologize for what he did to me or even try to show a little remorse. All he said was, “Come back home.” I shouldn’t have gone back home. That has been one of my greatest mistakes. Nothing changed when I went back to him. He continued to ignore me. He continued sleeping in the living room. When I tried to talk to him about it, he told me; “You can’t blame me for how things have turned out in our marriage. I’ve told you earlier and you know it. We are here today because of the bad luck your family brought into my life. If you’re not happy, turn the heat on your family and not on me.
He continued to ignore me until I returned from work recently and found his stuff gone. He even took the TV in our bedroom and a few other gadgets. I called him several times but he didn’t answer. Later, he sent me a long voice note. The long and short of what he said is, “I have travelled to a place far from Accra. I will be gone for a very long time. When I get money, I’ll send you some for the children’s upkeep. I’m warning you, don’t you dare drive my son away from my house. Your family is the reason I’m suffering so I have to run away from them.”
The whole thing sounded like a bad script written by my enemies just to shame me. I was like, “So that is it? He got up and ran away from home because there’s suffering?” I am still shocked and don’t know what to do next.
We live in our own house that has a borehole so we don’t have to pay for water. With him out of the frame, my expenses will reduce. I will do my best to take care of the kids. I haven’t told both our families yet. The children keep asking me, “Where has daddy gone to? When is he coming back?” I don’t have answers for them. At this moment in my life, I know my marriage is over. I plan to travel to my hometown and inform my family about it but as we speak, I don’t know what the future holds. All I can do is take it a day at a time.