I met my current boyfriend, whom I’ll refer to as Phil, in September of last year. We were acquainted on social media for a few years due to mutual friends but had never met in person. Phil invited me to join him for an NFL game in London, knowing that I’m a big football fan. Surprisingly, we hit it off right away during the trip.
Initially, I had no plans or expectations of being in a relationship with him, but here we are, eight months later, officially a couple.
Despite the challenges of distance, we have managed to make it work through frequent visits and spending countless hours on FaceTime. Meeting Phil has completely changed my perspective on romance, and I genuinely believe he might be “the one.”
Now, let’s talk about a girl named Sally, whom I encountered in an unusual situation towards the end of my trip to Europe to meet Phil. After leaving London, we spent a few days in the country where he resides. However, as it was time for me to depart, I began feeling unwell.
Unfortunately, my condition worsened dramatically during a two-hour train journey to a central city with a major airport. I was coughing up blood and running a high fever, making it clear that something was seriously wrong.
Realizing that I couldn’t fly back across the ocean in my current state, I had no choice but to seek medical help at a hospital in a city where I didn’t speak the local language. It was late at night, and Phil, in response to my situation, reached out to Sally, who happened to live in that city, asking her to come to the hospital and assist me.
Although I initially insisted that her presence was unnecessary and that I would manage on my own, Phil insisted otherwise. Sally arrived at the hospital, and I could sense her annoyance, which was understandable given that her night was disrupted to look after a stranger like me.
Her behavior towards me was rather rude, but I could empathize with her reluctance to be there. Whenever the doctors provided updates on my condition, Sally would relay the information to Phil via text instead of directly informing me.
While this was frustrating, it didn’t deter me. I was eventually discharged around 4 am, and Phil asked Sally if I could stay at her place. Once again, I insisted that I could get a hotel, but she insisted that I stay with her. I offered to pay for our Uber, but she refused.
Upon reaching her apartment, she immediately fetched a vase of flowers from the corner of the living room, fluffed them up, added water, and proceeded to tell me how Phil had given them to her, highlighting his sweet and thoughtful gestures.
When it was time to sleep, I suggested crashing on the couch, but she insisted that I use an air mattress. However, when I started inflating it, she didn’t offer any assistance and instead became annoyed, criticizing me for making too much noise.
Despite my suggestion to sleep on the couch, the initial intention of having a girls’ night was ruined by the unexpected hospital visit.
I understood her frustration, but her rudeness persisted. The next morning, Sally had already left before I woke up, and Phil was present to help me rebook my flight and accompany me to the airport. When I returned to the United States, I attempted to connect with Sally on Instagram to express my gratitude for her assistance, but she declined my request.
Moving forward to New Year’s Eve, I found myself on a cruise with one of my friends while Phil was with Sally. As I viewed his Instagram stories, I noticed he had reposed something from her—a picture of him arriving with all his belongings, captioned “Babe is here!!” Additionally, there was a photo of the two of them with another couple, and Sally’s body language in the photo was extremely intimate, with her leaning aggressively against Phil to the point where one of her feet was off the ground.
This bothered me because I had already suspected that Sally had feelings for Phil based on her behavior and coldness towards me when we first met. She had also made sly comments about their “friendship” that seemed to emphasize its strength.
I confronted Phil about it, and he defended the situation by saying that “she calls everyone babe” and insisted that they were just friends. I expressed my discomfort with the public display of affection on his Instagram, especially when he was with me and not with her. He apologized and assured me that it wouldn’t happen again. I also shared my concerns about Sally’s feelings for him, but he reassured me that I had nothing to worry about.
Now, let’s fast forward to a month later. I was with Phil in his hometown, spending time with friends when a distressing incident occurred. I was s*xually assaulted by three men in a bathroom, and it was an extremely traumatic experience for me.
After leaving the bathroom, I was in a state of shock and hysteria. Instead of providing the support I needed, Phil left me alone to cry and shower. Later, I discovered that during that time, he had been texting Sally about the incident.
Seeing a text on his phone that read something like “well, you know I don’t like her, but…” asking for updates felt like a profound betrayal.
This was an intensely personal and sensitive matter, and not only was he sharing it with others, but he chose to discuss it with a girl he knew I didn’t like. We argued about it, and although he claimed his intentions were good and that he was seeking advice, I felt that he had crossed a line.
And now, this morning, we come to another issue. Phil and I have been discussing plans for a summer trip for him to visit me in America.
While he has kept me informed about his prebooked plans and travel companions, I recently realized that he had been mentioning a trip to France without specifying who he would be going with.
When I asked him directly, he admitted that he planned to go with Sally, just the two of them. This revelation upset me greatly.
It feels as though he deliberately concealed this information, which I find highly inappropriate for a guy in a committed relationship to embark on a trip with a girl who dislikes his girlfriend, a girl I strongly dislike, and whom I believe has romantic feelings for him.
Moreover, Sally has been at the center of two of our most significant fights thus far. Phil doesn’t understand why this upsets me so much and claims that he had already mentioned it to me, even asking if I would be okay with it.
However, I’m certain he never informed me previously because it would have provoked the same level of upset in me. Although I don’t want to be controlling by telling him not to go, I also feel incredibly uncomfortable with him taking this trip. I fear that it will inevitably lead to another argument when the time comes. Am I overreacting? I would appreciate any advice or guidance you can offer.