We got married three years ago. They called me lucky because I found a woman who had her own. At my wedding, my friends couldn’t hide their smiles, they would walk up to me and say, “Bro, you’re the man. You made it happen.” Some said, “We’ll come for tutorials. You have to show us the way.” Even my parents were exceptionally happy because of the kind of woman I married. Marrying a rich woman wasn’t the point. Marrying a woman I loved and would want to build my future with was the point but when that woman came along, she came with something extra and I took it as a blessing from God.
Her parents are well connected because of their work and she’s the only child of her parents so they give her whatever she wants. She’s a doctor now but she wasn’t a doctor when I found her. There was nothing she wouldn’t do for me. It wasn’t love at first. It was a friendship that slowly grew into love. So everything she did for me from the beginning, she did in the name of friendship. I’m an architect. When finding a job became very difficult, she helped me to acquire my professional license so I can stand on my own feet. She paid for what ought to be paid for and linked me with people who could help me sail through. After everything I told her, “I don’t know what tomorrow may bring but whoever I become in the future, I owe it to you.”
At the corner of our friendship, emotions started growing so we started having different kinds of conversations; marriage, kids, career after kids and how we intend to raise our kids. We realized that we both wanted what each other wanted. It was our interest in the same things that brought us closer. One day I proposed and she said yes. She said, “I’m thirty-two years old. I don’t have time to play around. I want someone who is mentally ready and physically present to start life with. If you can, then let’s do this.” Four months later we were talking about marriage. Three months later, we were married. Four months after marriage, she was pregnant. Everything changed the day we found out that she was pregnant.
She wouldn’t do anything in the house because she was pregnant. It’s a big house we live in. A house her parents gave us when we got married. We had a house help, a woman in her forties. Because of my wife’s attitude toward her, the woman left and didn’t come back. She told me she was going to bring another person but no one came because we were both living fine. After pregnancy, she won’t cook nor do anything in the house. I’ll sweep, I will clean, I’ll dress our bed, I’ll wash and later cook. She’ll watch me cook and later order food online. I didn’t complain. I was doing it for my two months pregnant wife so I did it with love.
She screamed at me and treated me like I was the house boy but I took it as the things that come with pregnancy. So even when she made crazy requests from me at odd hours of the night, I didn’t complain. When the pregnancy was around six months, she would wake up at dawn and wake me to escort her to the bathroom to urinate. When I take her there, I would have to wait until she’s done to bring her back. She said, “I’m scared I’ll fall so I need you by my side.” Sometimes she’ll finish urinating and sit on the toilet seat for several minutes. I would be there waiting. There was no shuperu from the day we found out she was pregnant. Anytime I tried, she’ll push me away. She’ll say, “That’s all you know. Use that energy in your waist to make money. That’s what’s is important.” Again, I took it as her hormones acting up.
She gave birth and things got worse. My mom came to help but she picked a fight with my mom every day until my mom got tired and left. The baby was only two months old. I was happy when my mom left. I didn’t like the way she spoke to her and my mom was also worried about the way my wife treated me around the house. She would take me to a corner and ask me, “Has she always been like this? Disrespectful and overly opinionated?” I told her, “She’s a good person but the pregnancy changed her a little. We’ll be fine.”
When my mom left, her aunt took over. Her aunt is the worse demon. They formed an alliance to make my life in the house miserable. They’ll cook but won’t give me because I didn’t help in the kitchen or I didn’t give money for the cooking. I’ll talk to my wife in the bedroom and the next morning her aunt will hear everything. So I started fighting back. I had to be the man of the house and put things right. I started screaming back and started talking down at her aunt anytime she tried to interfere. With time, she learned and stayed out of our conversation.
Our child is two years old but this woman is still with us, causing havoc. I told my wife, “Let her go. I’ll do her work until we get another person. For the first time, my wife reminded me that I don’t have a house so I can’t dictate who stays and who leaves. “Wait, when you build your house, you can determine who should stay and who should leave.” It hurts like hell so I complained to her parents. They called her and talked to her but nothing changed. Whenever we have a fight she would tell me, “I’ll one day leave this marriage and be free. What kind of man is that? What do you bring to the table that you want to stress my life?”.
I bring a lot to the table but because it can’t be quantified into money, she thinks I’m useless. She dictates everything, even when shuperu should happen. When she wants it, she would be all over me. After we are done she’ll say something like, “That’s all you know, going up and down on a woman.” When I want it and she’s not in the mood, she treats me like a nuisance. So, I told her I was leaving the marriage. It was a threat to extract good behaviour from her. She asked me, “When are you leaving?” I answered, “Soon.” She said, “If that would make you happy, then you’re free to leave.”
Days later, I packed my things and came back to my parents. They all said separation will make her reassess her life and priorities to know that I’m important in her life. I’ve been away for two months now. I miss her so I call often using our child as an excuse to talk to her. She doesn’t care about anything. She goes to work and goes out to chill with her friends. It looks like she’s living a happy life now and that makes me miserable. The separation is not working. It looks like I’m the one losing so I want to go back but everyone says no. They say two months is not long enough to cause the change I’m looking for so I should wait for a while. I’m scared I’ll lose her if I wait longer. I’m asking you, should I listen to what they are saying and wait for a little bit longer? Does it work? This separation thing? .