My wife, aged 49, and I, aged 47, have been married for 16 years and have three children, aged 14, 13, and 10. Approximately 14 years ago, she became a stay-at-home mom. Like any relationship, we have had our ups and downs.
However, over the past few months, things have been mostly downhill. We’ve experienced a lack of intimacy, haven’t kissed in months, and hardly spend any time together. While some of this could be attributed to me, the previous year was particularly challenging. We moved to a new house, and she was diagnosed with breast cancer.
Although she made a full recovery, her hormone treatment has impacted various aspects of our lives. I was concerned that her treatment might be the cause of our difficulties over the past three months.
She has a close-knit group of friends, primarily moms from the school run. Among them is a guy named Dave, who occasionally joins the group.
In the past, people have jokingly commented on how close my wife and Dave seemed, and I once expressed my discomfort about it. As our children progressed to higher grades, the group became smaller.
While I was away on a business trip until Thursday, I received a Facebook Messenger message on Thursday night. I didn’t read it until Friday morning.
The message stated that my wife and Dave were having an affair and that they wanted to inform me anonymously. They urged me to check their messages and attached a blurry photo that potentially showed them in a compromising situation. I tried to message the account back, but it had already disappeared.
I did something regrettable—I looked at my wife’s phone first thing in the morning. On WhatsApp, I noticed Dave’s name as the second contact, but the messages were all blank. It only struck me later that this meant they must have been texting. On Saturday, I gathered the courage to check again when she left her phone unattended.
There were over 30 messages exchanged in just two days. Most of them were innocent, discussing what the kids were doing or their lunch. However, the first two messages on Saturday morning began with “hey sexy,” and my wife responded, “hey, I noticed it took you a while to get bold with me,” but there was no direct reply from Dave.
Later, all the messages were deleted again, but based on the timestamps, they had been texting throughout the day. Today, I checked three more times, but all the messages were deleted once again, although it appeared they had been texting consistently all day.
I’m at a loss about what to do or how to confront this situation. It feels like she may be cheating, but I can’t be certain. Dave is married, and I initially considered the possibility that it could have been his wife who sent the anonymous message, but I don’t personally know her.