I had gone to the hospital with my mom when I met him. There was a long queue we had to follow. I was frustrated. There was a place I needed to go but it looked like I was going to spend the whole day at the hospital. I wanted to jump lines. If my mom could act like she was dying, maybe they would have allowed us to skip lines but my mom was such a bad actor we would have been caught. As I was there contemplating what to do to get my mother to see the doctor early, George approached me. He said, “You don’t look like someone who’s sick so why are you here?” He was smiling as he was talking to me. I told him, “I’m not the sick one. My mom is.”
He went away and came back five minutes later. He asked me, “Where is your mom?” I pointed at her. He went to her, “Mom, please get up and let’s go.” My mom got up and followed him and I also tagged along. We went to his office, sat there for a little over a minute, and then a nurse walked in and asked my mom to follow her. They were going to see the doctor. I was left alone in his office, looking at him while he looked back at me. He asked my name. He asked what I did for a living. He asked where I lived. He asked if he could be a friend. When my mom came back with her prescription, he took the sheet, went to the dispensary, and came back with the drugs. We didn’t pay for anything.
When we were about to leave, he gave me his complimentary card and said, “Call me if your mom reacts to any of the drugs.” I looked at the complimentary and saw, “Administrator.” I looked back at him and said, “No problem. I will call you.” I wasn’t a kid. I understood his intentions. When we got home I called him and said thank you. The next day, he called to ask how my mom was doing. The calls went back and forth until he proposed to me. I said, “I don’t know you that much. Can you allow a little bit of time for us to study each other?”
A week later I said yes.
I became his handbag. I wasn’t working then so I had all the time in the world for him. I would go to his office in the afternoon and wait until he close. When he closes, I will sit in his car and he’ll just drive around town. We’ll visit bars for drinks. We’ll visit beautiful restaurants for food. We went to the club on weekends. He’ll tell me, “This week is on you. Look for interesting places we can visit. I’ll look for about five of them and we’ll visit all those places before the weekends. Those were the happy days. Those were the days nothing could go wrong between us.
We had the purest form of sex. We did it anywhere and at any time. When we found ourselves alone in his office, he would go outside and check if there was someone coming in at any moment. He’ll come back, lock the door and it will happen on his table. Those ones were very quick and pulsating. I loved it and wanted it anytime I was around. In his house, it happened everywhere. You name it and we had done it there. Even in public places, we found a way to be naughty.
A year later, he found me a job at another hospital. Things started slowing down. I got busier than expected. We couldn’t meet often on weekdays and on weekends that I was free, I was too tired to get time for him. He started complaining. I told him, “It’s not what you think. It’s the job you found me that has taken me away from you.” He said, “If I knew things would turn out this way, I wouldn’t have found you that job.”
He’ll come to my place and spend the night. We’ll make love all night until we ran out of breath. Those were the happy moments. I couldn’t have enough of it. I wanted him around each night but he wouldn’t come as often as I wanted him to. He rather wanted me at his place.
He told the man who employed me that I was his cousin. When I was starting work George warned, “Act the part. You’re my cousin, never forget that. When he asks you about me, when you two talk about me, remember that I’m your cousin and nothing else.” I kept the script and acted the part perfectly until this new man also started hitting on me. He came with a marriage proposal. He was serious about me and wanted me to say yes as soon as possible. I liked him but I couldn’t say yes to him because of George. I told George, “Your guy proposed to me. He’s all over me at the hospital. I’ve said no to him but he keeps coming.”
He said, “Report him if he continues pursuing you. I believe it’s against the hospital rules.” I kept saying no to him but he kept coming. Something about his proposal sounded genuine. The way he carried himself around me looked sincere. He wasn’t pushing me. He was asking, pleading that I fall in love with him. One day he invited me to his house and I went. He took me around and said, “I live here all alone. All I need is a woman like you to turn this house into a home.” I’ve always said no to him but that day I softened my stand. I told him, “Give me some time. A lot of time. Something may change along the way.” He said, “You have all the time.”
He took me home one day after work and he got to know my place. I didn’t tell George about it. He visited once but I didn’t have the courage to tell Georg about it. He came around often but I made no mention of that to George. One evening he was with me when George came in unannounced. They spoke nicely to each other. George spent about five minutes and left. I knew I was in trouble. He got home and called but I couldn’t pick up his call because the other man was there. When he left, I called back. He screamed at the top of his voice; “Are you sleeping with him now? When did he get to know your house? When did he start coming around that I was not told?” I couldn’t answer any of the questions. All I said was, “I’m sorry. I was just being nice to him.”
My sorry couldn’t change a thing. He said, “Obviously you like him. Keep him. I’m out.” I begged and begged. I went to him and he even slept with me but he would not accept my apology. I was going through a lot of pain because of that so I told the other man the truth, “George isn’t my cousin. He’s actually my boyfriend. I’m sorry he couldn’t tell you the truth but that’s the reason why I can’t accept your proposal.” I don’t know what he also went to tell George. Whatever he said aggravated the issue. George blocked my line and blocked me everywhere. I went to his house once and he banged the door on my face. That was the end of us.
A year later, I met Theo. We dated for five months and got married. While dating Theo, I was still seeing George on the side. It wasn’t serious. His anger had thawed off his chest and was coming around as a friend. He even had a new girlfriend. He would call and tell me, “I miss our crazy days. We will talk about it and the next thing I know, I would be in his room, warming his bed and doing it as we’ve never done it before. We became like friends with benefits. No emotions attached. Just humping and banging.
The day Theo came to do the knocking, I called George and told him about it. I said, “The man in my life is very serious with me. He just came around to do the knocking. I think I have to give him that respect and reciprocate his loyalty to me. What we have can’t go on. I don’t think I can do it with a free and willing heart, knowing where I am with my current boyfriend. Let’s stop it. I won’t come the next time you call.” He said, “Ok, then come for the final one. The one we do and not do it again. The one we use to say our final goodbyes.” I said, “No. The one we did the other time was me saying goodbye. It’s ok. We’ve done enough.”
I married Theo three months later and we’ve been married for the past five months. It’s been bliss on all fronts but not in the bedroom. Sometimes, he comes close and I push him away. I will tell him, “Please, I’m not in the mood,” and he’ll understand. He thinks I’m not in the mood for shuperu but that’s not the case. When I tell him I’m not in the mood, what I mean is, I’m not in the mood to think about my ex, George.
Ever since we got married, anytime we do it, I have to think about George before I can enjoy what he’s doing. I have to see his face as George’s face. I have to moan George’s name in my head before I can really bring myself to the party. Nothing he does excites me. Not that he’s bad at it, no. He does his best. He last as long as he wants to last. He goes to places. He takes his time with me to ensure that I’m enjoying what’s going on but the problem with him is that he’s not George. One night, I nearly screamed George’s name out loud. It’s the spirit of God that knocked my lips and poured sense into my head. Had it not been that, I wouldn’t know where my marriage would have been by now. To save myself from the troubles and temptation, I tell him I’m not in the mood or I’m sick or I’m tired or I’m in my menses. The sad thing is, I’m married but sometimes I have to fake my menses just to escape.
This is destroying me slowly and it’s eating into my conscience. I can’t look at the face of my husband with all honesty and pride. We wake up in the morning and I do everything to avoid his gaze. I’m running from my own shame. I know if this continues for too long, it will destroy this marriage. Theo is a very good man. He deserves everything in me and even more but currently, I’m unable to give him that because of the thoughts I have about George. No, I haven’t spoken to George since I got married. When he sent his congratulatory messages after my wedding, I didn’t even respond to him. I’ve done everything to put a barrier between him and me but I’ve allowed his memories to roam free in my mind.
How do I get him off my mind and bring myself to the table for my husband? Or there’s something wrong with me? I need answers and I need help or else, everything I’ve worked for in this budding marriage would come to an end and it will destroy me.