You already know that you were my first boyfriend but what you do not know is that you are the love of my life. The five years I spent with you was one of the best times of my life. I ruined everything, I know. You loved me with everything you had, but what did I do? I walked all over your heart as if it was made of tiles.
Papa, I am sorry for all the pain I caused you. The last time I saw you, you were crying like a baby and it broke my heart that I was the reason behind those tears. I begged for your forgiveness but you said, “You hurt me too much for me to forgive you.” Seeing you in that state made me realize the errors of my ways. I wanted to fix things between us but you said our relationship was broken beyond repair. I regretted my blind trust in my friend, Nana. I was stupid to let her get in my head and ruin what we had. Maybe if I hadn’t told her too much about us, she wouldn’t have had cause to destroy us.
Everything started when I told Nana that our mutual friend proposed to me. I casually mentioned it to her because I tell her everything. She travelled from Accra to the North just to say bad things about you. She kept telling me, “Why won’t you give this new guy a chance? Do you know what Papa is also doing behind your back? Sis, don’t put all your eggs in one basket. You know men cannot be trusted.” I admit that it was so childish of me to listen to her. I shouldn’t have considered giving the new guy a chance but I did. I told Nana, “You know what? Maybe I should try this new guy and see how things go.” She encouraged me to go for it and then turned around and told you about it. She even added things that weren’t true to make it look worse. Trust me, only five per cent of what she said was the truth.
Papa, I tried to tell you my side of the story but you wouldn’t listen. You told me, “Nana is your best friend, someone you call a sister. Why would she lie against you?” You hurt me when you took her words over mine. I wanted to fight for us but you chose to leave me. I was broken in ways I didn’t know the human spirit can be broken. That was when I realized that I made a grave mistake thinking I could be with anyone but you. I felt my life was coming to an end but even in that, I comforted myself, “Papa will come back to me, I know he will.” And I waited for you for two years. I heard about the girl you dated three months after our breakup and the many girls that came after her.
I was as sure as the sunset that you will come back to me so I continued to wait. Until one day my inner voice told me, “We’ve had enough. Move on!” That was when I met Solomon. I remember telling him, “I am nursing a heartbreak from my previous relationship. Even though it happened two years ago, I still love him and I am waiting for him to come back to me.” Solo met me when I was broken, yet he loved me that way. His care and devotion helped boost my self-esteem and got me back on my feet. I wasn’t in love with him then, because you were still in my heart. I just enjoyed his company.
As time went on, I got tired of waiting for you and I started falling in love with Solo. That was when you showed up asking for a second chance. I wanted more than anything, to take you back. But I was determined to look to the future and leave you in the past.
When I was getting ready to marry Solo, I kept thinking about you and wondering if I was making a mistake. I reached out to you so I could see you one more time, for closure. But before that, I prayed that God should prevent us from meeting if He wants me to marry Solo. Papa, the day we planned to meet, you cancelled last minute. I took that as a sign from God and went on with my marriage plans. I deleted your number so I could let you go.
Solo has been an amazing husband but a part of me still holds on to you. Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband but my memories with you are still engraved in my heart.
Anytime I see your picture, my heart whispers, “That’s the love of my life.” I am doing everything possible to completely let you go. Hence, this letter. I am hoping that somehow when I put it out there, I will feel at peace with myself, and your thoughts will fade from my memories.
Papa, I wish you well. I pray you find a wonderful woman, and I am sorry for every pain I caused you.