We Need A Child But My Husband Thinks My Inability To Conceive Is A Punishment From God
I got married to my husband when I was twenty-two years old. When we first met he was divorced with three children. He told me his marriage didn’t work out because his ex-wife tried to poison him. Fortunately for him, someone saw her and reported it to him. “We were having problems but I didn’t think she hated me that much. I never thought she would go to the extent of trying to take my life,” he said. I felt bad for him and everything he had been through.
We got to know each other over time. After a while, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I didn’t mind that he was divorced with three children. He seemed like a nice guy and I liked him so I accepted his proposal. Every time we had shuperu I took drugs to prevent any unwanted pregnancy. Because I was taking the pills it interfered with my cycle so when I missed my period for a month I didn’t worry.
Then I didn’t get my period in the second month. I became concerned. I took a pregnancy test and it came out positive. I was surprised because I always took the post-pill. I told my boyfriend about the pregnancy and he asked me to keep it. He also asked to meet my parents so that he can ask for my hand in marriage. We hadn’t been dating for long and everything was moving so fast but I wasn’t scared. I trusted his intentions so I was ready to go all the way with him.
I took him home and introduced him to my parents. We told them that I was pregnant and that we would like to get married as quickly as possible. My parents dug further into his history and got to know about his first marriage and kids. My mom said, “No that can’t be possible. A man with three kids? No. Not on my watch. You’re young. You’re not rushing anywhere. This marriage can’t be possible.” My dad agreed with her. They didn’t think it was ideal for me to be with a man like him.
I said, “But mom, I’m pregnant for him. If I don’t marry him who would marry me when I already have a child?” The fact that I was already pregnant with his child didn’t change the minds of my parents. My mother especially expressed her disapproval in so many ways. After he left I called him on the phone, “Dear, I know my parents say we can’t get married but I love you. I need some time to work on them. Until then we can’t keep the baby. I don’t want to risk being a single mother.”
He didn’t agree with me but he supported my decision to get rid of it. I did and we continued dating. Love was still love and joy was still joyful between us. While he waits on the side, I bombarded my parents with the marriage issue until I eventually wore them down. They told me, “We want the best for you because we know what the best looks like but if you insist then we won’t stop you. Go ahead and get married to him. You have our blessing.”
My life with him and his children is a happy one. He is a responsible man and he takes care of us. We’ve been trying to have a child of our own but we haven’t succeeded. We tried so many times and have used so many remedies. We still didn’t get the desired results. It’s been four years since we got married and I still haven’t been able to have a child for him.
I’ve been diagnosed with PCOS – Polycystic ovary syndrome. The doctors said this would make it difficult for me to get pregnant. My husband has also been diagnosed with low sperm count or something relating to the dysfunction of his sperm. I remember the doctors saying that about 80% of his sperms are not working and the remaining 20% are not able to swim far enough to reach my eggs. We were given medication after the diagnosis but we have to repeat them for some time before they can work. After the first dose got finished my husband refused to go back to the hospital for the next dose.
I have tried everything to get him to go back but he has refused. It’s been a year since we took the first dose of the drugs.
One of his excuses he gives me is, “The medication is so expensive and I don’t have the money for it.” Recently, he got some money and I suggested he put some aside for our fertility drugs and this man told me, “I am not sick. I don’t need to take medicine to impregnate a woman. Can’t you see that I already have three children? Do you know the number of girls I have impregnated? We both know you are the reason we can’t have a child. You insisted on getting rid of what God gave you and now you are paying for it.”
That hurt. I was shocked that he would say that to me. He said a lot of hurtful things that made me ashamed that he is my husband. Since then, whenever the fertility issue comes up he would tell me, “You had one and you let it go. Maybe that’s all you’re entitled to so stop disturbing me with those expensive drugs. I won’t waste my money on them.”
I don’t know how long I can endure his constant jabs and reminders about the sin I committed when the odds were stacked against us. As long as we have fertility issues he would bring it up and it hurts when he does that. I feel he is hurt about what I did and he hasn’t forgiven me. I don’t know what to do to get him to let it go. At a point, I even wanted to leave him because I felt that was the only way to bring peace. But his dad and aunt have pleaded with me to stay.
Regardless of the fight and misunderstanding and the constant jabs about my past, he is still the responsible man I loved and married. He hasn’t changed towards me and the kids. My only problem is the way he acts when I suggest we go back to the fertility clinic for the rest of the medication. How can I get him to forgive me and make things right between us? How can I get him to stop throwing my past mistake in my face whenever our fertility problems come up? I believe he will stop hurting me when he lets go of his own hurt. Please I need advice.