I remember the first time I saw you. Your beauty struck me in the heart. All I wanted at that moment was to love you with every fibre of my being. I went all out and got close to you. And you were very receptive to my advances. That gave me hope, Sally. I thought I would have it easy. I thought you would hand over your heart to me on a silver platter. I was excited and even started thinking ahead about the future. I did not waste time in letting my intentions known, and you also did not hesitate to shoot me down.
At first, I thought it was you being a typical woman. I told myself, “Women do that sometimes. They say ‘No’ but they mean ‘Try again’. I will not give up hope yet.” So I tried again and you refused my proposal again. All that time too, you hadn’t done anything to push me away. You just said, “I prefer you as a friend.” I stood on the sidelines and watched as men walked in and out of your life as though it was a cheap motel. I kept telling you, “Sally, if you give me a chance I will treat you right. I am not one to walk away from a good woman.” You smiled your signature heart-stealing smile, and said, “You are a good friend, Linuva. I don’t want to ruin that.” Yet another attempt, and yet another rejection. I accepted it gracefully and remained your friend.
My dear, I chased you for three years with no success. At a point, I gave up on ever getting together with you. That was when you said, “Yes.” In confusion, I asked, “Yes to what?” You smiled and said, “Yes to being your girlfriend. Show me what you can do with your heart. But understand that I am settling for you so prove to me that you are worth it.” Of course, I knew about your unsuccessful relationships.
I knew that the men you truly wanted to be with were either abroad, had used and dumped you, or went off to marry someone else. You tried dating married men looking for the elusive love but you didn’t get it. You tried having multiple boyfriends at a time but they couldn’t satisfy the itch you were having. So you got tired of lovers that wouldn’t stay. That’s why you turned to me, the one man who had loved you from the shadows for years. It wasn’t ideal for me to be a last resort but I loved you so I took what I could get. You said you wanted someone who would love you unconditionally, and I believed I was the one to do it.
I walked into the relationship armed with knowledge about your past, and even the nitty gritty parts that you didn’t want me to know about. Like when you had men fight over you in front of your son because one caught you sleeping with the other. Still, love conquers all so l thought l could change you with my unadulterated love.
We started on a high note but just like a cracked wall covered with wallpaper, the paper wore thin and the cracks started showing.
Remember the day l walked in on you on the phone with another man? You didn’t hear me come in but l heard everything you said. The part that hurt me most was when you said, “Don’t bother with my loser boyfriend. It’s you I want. You are my true love, not him.” Maybe I was under a spell, why else would I have continued the relationship after that? Then one day you travelled and sent me an explicit text that wasn’t meant for me. Since it was on WhatsApp, you deleted it very quickly but luckily for me, l had seen it. When l asked you about it, all hell broke loose and you accused me of being insecure, childish, and downright stupid.
When l wasn’t buying your story, you changed your tune. You said, “Linuva, that text was meant for you but I felt shy afterwards. That’s why I deleted it.” Of course, I still didn’t believe you.
Your elder sister saw the pain you were causing me. She reached out and told me, “Please forget about Sally and move on with your life. She is my sister and I love her to death, but she cannot be helped. You cannot love her into loving you. It’s not your fault, she just can’t commit to one man. Besides, her type is married men who will not be emotionally attached to her. She believes her body is hers to use as she pleases. So please, let her go and set yourself free.” It wasn’t a pleasant thing for me to hear but it was a bitter pill I had to swallow. You said you wanted love, but the truth is, you were not ready for it.
By then, I had already talked to my family and church and despite you having a son, l convinced them that you were good for me. Yes, the boy’s father was in the UK but little did l know that he still owned you. He paid all your bills and had even paid your bride price. Anytime he came, you would disappear for days on end. Your cover story was, “I am going to do a marketing job out of town so you won’t be able to reach me.” Finding out the truth about that, was the last snap I needed to wake up from the dream of you. I carried my legs out of the relationship even though it broke my heart.
I am glad your sister gave me every information I needed to know about your situation. If you had told me it was just shuperu you were after, I would have managed my expectations somehow. I am writing this letter to pour out my disappointment. I hope it sets me free from this pain I am feeling. Goodbye, Sally. I wish you all the best.