According to his Narration;
This ranks as one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do as it goes against every part of who I am, but I have spent the past few months weighing my options and this is the only path left to me. Note that the purpose of this is simple: to remove the dirt that has been piled on my name overtime. Please walk with me.
The beautiful woman in the picture is Ejechi Ejiro Sophia and this is a summarised story of how she almost ruined my life. I first noticed Ejiro at the first ever Revelation concert by Micha-El Egorp Jnr at Tropicana in 2018. I had seen her around a few times prior to the time, but had never really looked at or spoken to her. This time, surrounded by her music team members and boss who all knew me and said warm hellos, I had no choice but to say hello to her as well. Few days later, a message from the same woman pops up on my messenger and the rest, they say, is history. We would chat all day, talk multiple times as we bonded quickly, eagerly awaiting her return from Delta. She returned, surprising me, and a full-blown relationship kicked off.
Ejiro had a well-respected couple in Uyo she called her parents as she was answerable to them. For the sake of this story, we will call this couple Aniedi and Vivian. I was already friends with Aniedi and was just starting to get to know Vivian at the time. After a few months of being with Ejiro, I decided this was my last stop; I had found the woman I wanted to build my life with. I communicated my decision with her and she ecstatically accepted and, considering I considered this the final relationship I would ever be in, I decided I would do it right; the honorable way. An appointment was booked a meeting scheduled. On a cold Monday evening, I found myself in the sitting room of Aniedi and Vivian, spilling my intentions and being grilled with tough questions. This I did with joy; it was for the love of my life after all. At the end of the meeting, we knelt before her Uyo parents and got their prayers and blessings. They were excited for us and wished us the best, offering solid advice.
Few months down the line – early 2019 – I was to leave for my family home in Rivers State for a few months to sort out some issues. To balance the equation and be fair to her, I also scheduled a meeting with the person I was accountable to in Uyo – another very respected person in the city. For the sake of this story, we will call him Maxwell. Maxwell met us at De Choice mall, Uyo and we presented the same matter to him. He was initially skeptical considering we still had a lot to figure out but he blessed us regardless, offering us both solid advice. I travelled and that is where the problems really started. I mean the signs were there even before then but I was a fool in love – I’m certain we can all relate. Almost immediately fights started to break out. I was accused of being too clingy. I began to be told sentences like “I love you, but we don’t have to talk everyday”. I was confused. I didn’t know everything, but I was certain constant communication was one of the tenets of a committed relationship. I checked myself, maybe I was overdoing the thing.
It progressed to not being able to reach her late in the night or early in the morning. Her phone would be switched off from about 10pm to 10am at least four days a week and I would be serenaded with ‘my battery was low’ or ‘I plugged my phone in another hostel’ stories. I was highly uncomfortable and eventually, couldn’t take the bold-faced lies anymore. Told her at some point I was ending things and the manipulation swung into full gear. She sent me several voice notes crying and when I wouldn’t budge, she told me she was tired of life and since she couldn’t live without me, she was ending her life on the spot and that I would soon get news of her death. My blood turned cold when I saw that and I began to call. Her phone rang and rang and went off. I have never been more afraid in my life, my body shook in terror. I called our mutual friend – let’s call him Daniel – and urged him to take a drop and go find her. Daniel rushed from his place at Ekamba Nsukara to Town Campus to find Ejiro. Worst thirty minutes of my life. Apparently, she was fine. I was so scared I forgot why I even wanted to end things and we talked and reconciled. I somehow was made to believe there was something wrong with me – so effective were here manipulative skills – so I set a plan in motion to make it up to her. Her birthday was approaching, so I made arrangements with her boss – my friend whom I had a few months prior convinced to employ her – to ensure she was at the office when I landed. It all went according to plan; surprised her and took her off work and gave her a good evening.
Fast forward months ahead, I’m back in Uyo and my mind is constantly uneasy, my instincts screaming that all was not as it should be. So, one day, I did the unthinkable. While she slept, I picked up her phone. Ladies and Gentlemen, my Ejiro, love of my life and mother of children we had already named was in another relationship. Not a fling, no, a full blown relationship with one Valentine (real name), a then-Pharmacy student. She had hidden their chat, but I learnt that day that a man desperate for clarification has a way of finding things. In that chat, I discovered that while I was in Port Harcourt, she had practically moved in with him. Ironically, very early in our relationship, I had once escorted her from my place at Itu Road to the junction at 9pm to night class, where this same guy was waiting for her. Asked her who he was and she laughed it off, claiming they were simply reading partners. I was uncomfortable, but I shook it off. ‘be a man’. The memory flashed and I began to laugh. I picked up my phone and, comparing dates, discovered that those 10pm-10am days she was unavailable matched with the days she was with him. They even had a fight about her not being able to spend her birthday with him. I saw red.
I woke her up, demanding an explanation. The manipulation resumed. She ranted about my invasion of her privacy and when that wouldn’t work, she broke down and started begging, swearing that she had ended it and wanted just me. I tried to leave but she wouldn’t let me and me hating all the commotion and attention the noise was bringing, forced myself to be calm and sit. Hyperventilating, she begged for hours, promising me she was done with and would cut all ties. It took a few days, but weighing all we had built on a scale, I decided I would give her another chance. At this point, you can go ahead and call me what you’re thinking; mumu man. A very finished man was exactly what I was.
If at this point you choose to check out of this story, I wouldn’t blame you – e don long after all – but please, stay with me. In my bid to clear my name, it is imperative I ensure you understand the history. Drink water.
Alright, let’s dive back into it. A few weeks go by and though things are not the way they used to be – understandably – I’m trying to let the hurt go. Aunty Ejiro starts to attack me, saying I’ve changed and I haven’t really forgiven her and I need to stop reminding her of her past mistakes. Thing about me is (or was) on the rare occasion I fall in love with a woman, I would practically worship the ground she walked on. You know those foolish things you read in romantic novels? The poetry and breakfast in bed and all that Shakespearean nonsense? That was me. After this incident, I lost all the energy. I was quiet and withdrawn, trying to make sense of what had just happened to me. My Ejiro wanted Romeo back instantly. I was dumbfounded. Surely this woman knew the extent of her betrayal and knew I didn’t have a switch I would just turn off to forget it in under a month. I was trying to forgive my offender while my offender was attacking me for not doing it fast enough. Surreal.
Few weeks later and my annoyingly-persistent instincts kick in again. I pick up her phone again. The once secure Victor had been reduced to a phone-checking, insecure man because of her betrayals and though I was deeply ashamed at the time, I just had to know. True enough, she was still in touch with Valentine and she was apologising about her recent absences. I wasn’t shocked – somehow I expected this – so I broadened my search. Instinct told me to check the chat between her and her closest girlfriends and I hit the mother lode. People, in the next hour, I discovered that Ejiroghene had, in the space of our almost two years together, betrayed me quite a few other men, flings she joyfully discussed with her friends, some even while I was in the same city with her. I also saw some other things which, out of respect for her, I refuse to still tell anyone. On that day, I also discovered that her hostel roommates who would always hail me whenever I came around – some would even come out and hug me – also knew about Valentine. Everything started to make sense. It finally hit me that since I returned from Port Harcourt, she would be all touchy and lovey with me whenever we were around Nwaniba where I had rented an apartment, but wouldn’t even let me hold her hand once we got around Ikpa Road axis – Man Number Two’s domain. Again feel free to call me a mumu man.
I spent over an hour staring at her sleeping, sweetly-innocent face. What I was seeing didn’t correlate with the woman I loved, but it was there regardless. Being unable to endure it anymore, I woke her up again and showed her what I had seen. This is where the violent side of Ejiroghene kicked in. She began to scream and cry and throw things, demanding why I had invaded her privacy again. I stayed quiet and let her perform. When she took a break, chest heaving, I calmly told her, “when you’re done, let me know. There are questions you are going to answer today.” She lost it and for the first time, Ejiro hit me. I was stunned but she wasn’t done. Screaming, she continued throwing herself at me, slapping, punching and kicking. I kept on trying to hold her down, till I tasted my own blood; my lower lip had been cut. Next thing, she whirls away from me and rushes to her window, swiftly picking up a razor and holding it to her wrist, threatening to slice. I spring into action, rushing to her and holding both of her wrist in one hand, shaking her till the razor drops. Frustrated, I flung her on her bed. Incidentally, the force of the push sent her head crashing against the wall and immediately, she was calm. At this point, I sunk to the floor and deep sobs attacked me, going through my entire body. I couldn’t believe what my life had turned into. I was too young to deal with this. Not sure how long I was there crying, but eventually she came over, held me and another round of pleading and empty promises started. I stuck around – mumu man – but that was the day I mentally checked out the relationship. I asked myself, “Victor, is this something you are willing to endure for the rest of your life?” and the answer was a resounding God forbid!
Again, I won’t blame you if you decide to check out at this point, but if you’ve gotten here, why not just finish? Tinkabourrit. Recall that this is neither a smear campaign or revenge; I am merely telling my side of the story, clearing my name.
Final lap. In the midst of all this, Ejiro joined my church. I initially had my reservations – church relationships can get messy – but Aniedi and Vivian were also joining us, so I accepted it as a family migration. She quickly joined the choir like I expected. Ironically, Maxwell was our director and, though unwritten, I was next in command. At some point, she went to Maxwell and reported my phone-checking habit, artfully leaving out her indiscretions. Maxwell calls me, blasts me over the phone and demands that I come to his house. Now! I go immediately, and over the next hour, receive the worst tongue-lashing one of the most important people in my life had ever given. He tells me how ashamed of me he is for stooping that low. At some point, I realise she had left out what she did, and sitting in the floor again, I start to cry quietly. I thought about saying something but swallowed it, taking the scorching scolding ‘like a man’. ‘I would rather die than smear her name’ was my mindset. Mumu man. I promised to do better and left.
After a few months, Maxwell saw it fit to officially anoint me Music Director and assumed the supervisory role of Music Pastor. Unfortunately for me, this moment coincided with the time I finally grew the balls – pardon the expression – to permanently leave Ejiro. I had ended things with her several times, but this one was final and she could sense it. The panic and desperation set in and she begged severally that I take her back. I had to, at some point, turn off my phone for hours on end, that was how persistent she was. I didn’t know someone could literally run down your battery with calls till it happened to me. My resolve remained firm however, and that was when hell as Music Director started for me.
Over the duration of my tenure as director, Ejiroghene made it her life’s work to undermine my authority at every turn. She would disobey me openly, refuse to sing unless Maxwell was in charge and generally dampen the mood at all the rehearsals she was available. Being a bit naive at the time and unable to ignore the insubordination, I would often react and send her out or scold her on the spot, not realising I was playing right into her hands. The narrative became, ‘Victor likes to pick on Ejiroghene because they used to be together and it didn’t work out’. At least that’s what I thought the narrative was. It wasn’t until yesterday I found out the truth. We’ll get to that soon. Slowly but surely, the coldness towards me – especially from the ladies in my choir – became more and more obvious. On one instance, a new alto lady joined the choir, and me, seeing how reserved and anxious she seemed, consciously teased her and made her laugh all through rehearsals, my aim to bring her out of her shell and make her comfortable with her new family. I passively noticed Ejiro glare at her from time to time, but ignored it. At the end of rehearsals, while locking up with two tenor brothers (they’ll see this and remember), Ejiro waited at the door and once she saw me attacked me. Her words were “shameless man! You’ve seen a new catch so you think you can embarrass me, abi?” The men with me were stunned into silence. I barely had time to respond when she grabbed my phone and went downstairs. I shook my head and convinced the guys to let it go. I went downstairs only to realise Ejiro had gone with my phone. I couldn’t believe it. Got home and called my line with my neighbour’s phone, she picked up and realising it was me, started ranting again, telling me I would never see my phone again. I went into my apartment, prayed for strength and slept off. Before 7am, she was banging on my door. I opened up, she came in and resumed ranting that I wanted to embarrass her. I said nothing – at this stage I’d gotten used to the maniacal outbursts – I simply sat at my bed and stared at her. My silence must have triggered her, because that was when the scattering of my room began. Clothes, bags, utensils, the drum I stored spare water in, everything was flung about. I sat and kept on repeating ‘Jesus’ begging for strength, because the way I felt at that time, if I had touched her even once, I was certain I would have killed her. She finally sat, spent and started talking more calmly. At this point, I was just exhausted to my bones and lay down on my bed begging God for strength. She was quiet for a while, then came to me, repeating how much she loved me and how no one else could possibly love her like I did and how everything would work out eventually. She cuddled me till I slept off.
I have gone into this much detail to make you understand just how much I chose to deal with and the deathtrap I finally escaped from. Notwithstanding, I kept all of these to myself and if anyone who asked what happened, I would simply respond that it was a mutual split. These details would have followed me to my grave, but Ejiroghene has taken it upon herself to besmirch my name and reputation since early 2020. I noticed subtle changes in attitude towards me and coldness from people who were once warm to me in church and couldn’t quite understand what was going on. Being a person who hardly gives second thought to people’s opinions on my person, I ignored, shrugged my shoulders and carried on with my life. However, over the past three months, these lies have steadily made their way back to me. I’m not certain why, but a few people have randomly come to tell me ‘this is what Ejiro told us about you a while ago’. The lies include:
– that she left me because of how insecure I was.
– that I never gave her space to breathe.
– that she used to beat me up whenever she caught me snooping around her private life and I would cry like a baby.
And the straw that finally broke the camel’s back yesterday,
– that because she continued to refuse to get back together with me, I began to pick on her and make the choir uncomfortable for her. This particular lie was told to her ‘mother’, Vivian and if I didn’t comment on Pst Paul Idiong’s post yesterday, I never would have found out.
My tenure as Music Director of a team I loved and was committed to with my life came to an unceremonious end as I resigned due to this and other issues that were highly detrimental to my mental health and though I still do not care how I am seen, it is important to me that the truth prevails. There are still sooo many things about Ejiroghene I will never expose because a part of me will always try to protect her name, but I am aware that for every one person who has come to tell me what had been circulated about me, there are twenty who have digested it and run with it. This is for the ignorant twenty and the world at large.
P.S. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t all bad. Some of my happiest moments were with this woman and I wasn’t perfect either. Yes, I got verbally abusive towards the end when I was losing my mind, but I stayed loyal in the face of plentyyyyy temptation, I stayed committed to making us work long-term and I never embarked on smear campaign. Like I said, this is simply to clear my name. Thank you for your time.
P.P.S. If you are one of those whose attitude towards me changed as a result of these lies, please maintain the exact same energy and stay very far from me even after you see this. I am grateful to God for using this to sieve the snakes in my life, and though I hold no grudge, I have no intention of letting you slither back in. To my leaders this will inadvertently shine a negative light on, please forgive me and remember Proverbs 22:1.
God bless us all.
My side of the story.
Victor Ibibo Oyibo.