I just turned twenty-eight last Saturday but my birthday was not a happy occasion. I stayed in my room the entire day consumed with worry and despair. For some time now I have been plagued with recurring nightmares. At first, I didn’t know what to make of them but lately, I have been researching dreams and their meanings. From the little I gathered from books and internet searches, I have concluded that I am being tormented by a marine spirit. Maybe I’m wrong but I’m hoping that after I share my story, someone here would help me figure it out.
It all started at the beginning of this year when I had a dream that I was bathing in public. When I woke up I didn’t make much of it. Then another time I dreamt that I was naked in public. Again, I didn’t make much of it. Then I had a dream that I was bathing in a dirty place. At that point, I became concerned because it seemed I was having the same dream in different forms. As days passed, I kept dreaming that I was either naked or bathing in a public or dirty place. In some of the dreams, I was having shuperu with a faceless person. Even though I was concerned by the nature of the dreams, I didn’t feel any cause for alarm. I told myself, “They are just bad dreams. Eventually, they will stop.”
However, I lost both of my parents in quick succession late last year and earlier this year. My father passed first, and then my mother followed. After her death, my dreams intensified. There were nights that I had at least five bad dreams. In some of the dreams, I saw snakes. I am talking about a countless number of them in different sizes surrounding me. Sometimes I would see mad people chasing or fighting with me. There were ones in which I had shuperu with women and men that I do not know in real life. Sometimes too, I would see animals like goats fighting themselves, or dogs biting or attacking me. Every day came with its nightmare.
The most recurring dreams are the ones in which I would see myself in my primary school writing exams or on a parade. I also saw myself in the house I spent my childhood in. That part confuses me because my family moved out of that house long ago. Sometimes I eat in my dreams. When I wake up from any of these dreams, my life comes to a standstill. If I happen to be working on a project, it becomes unsuccessful.
Relationships do not even work out for me. When I meet men who are good and level-headed, I would chase them away with anger over silly things.
The last man I broke up with didn’t even offend me. He was just the best guy I have ever dated. Unfortunately, I had a dream in which my room was under a dirty toilet pit. When I woke up, I had the strong urge to end my relationship. I tried to fight the feeling but it seemed I was not in control of my actions. I was miserable the entire day until I sent him a text saying, “I don’t think this relationship is working. Let’s go our separate ways.” After I sent him the message I felt relieved. The problem with that is, that I have never loved any man as much as I love him. We’ve been broken up for months now but I can’t get over him. I pleaded with him many times; “I don’t know what came over me when I broke up with you. I was not of myself that day and I apologize for hurting you. I want us to work things out and try again.” But he has refused to take me back.
One interesting thing is that men flock around me wherever I go. There are times I wear a fake wedding ring just to ward them off. So I don’t have a problem getting a man. My problem now is how to keep a man when I decide to enter a relationship. As long as these dreams continue, I don’t think that I will be free. Things were not as bad as they are now when my parents were alive. And I am wondering if somehow there’s a connection there. Come to think of it, I see them in my dreams too. And usually, it looks like we are living together. There’s a particular one that I see my mother in, most of the time. I know very well that the people in the dreams are not actually my parents but they keep coming back. When I wake up from such dreams, I get suicidal thoughts.
There are nights, I would hear knocks on my door but there would be no one on the other end. Some nights too, I would hear someone mention my name even when there was no one else around. I have suffered from sleep paralysis from time to time. These are just examples of the spiritual attacks I am facing.
From April this year till now, I have been fasting and embarking on midnight prayers. I have lost so much weight because I have zero appetite for food. These attacks have affected my studies and social life. I have been to churches and pastors but nothing came out of it. These visits to pastors have drained me of all my money. As I am sharing this story, I will be grateful if anyone here will help me connect with a strong man of God.
I am not trying to be picky but you see these young pastors, some of them are still growing and are money focused. I have had experiences where some are only concerned with collecting the seed and covenant offerings. Some of them even end up asking for relationships, while I am in dire need of deliverance. So I am very sceptical of young pastors. I know about Alpha hour and I join their prayer sessions. I also join the altar of fire on NSPPD. My whole life now is just about prayers and fasting. So I am open to trying more prayer meetings as long as they don’t cost money. As it stands now, I am very broke so whichever man of God you recommend, I hope they won’t ask me to pay for a consultation or any other form of money.